Postbag 1

 Mmh (greetings), Fred Drysdon!

''Greetings Fremennik warrior! I was wondering a few things.''

''#1: On your travels, do you know two Fremenniks named Tatiana and Zoe? If so, who is you're favourite?''

#2: What is your TRUE Fremennik name?

#3: Which god do you follow?

That is all, great kinsman!

From,

Taltin, the Fremennik.

Greetings Taltin, may the Fossegrimen protect you.

It is great to hear from a fellow Fremennik after such a long period of time among these outerlanders, they are quite unsophisticated as you know!

I do know of Tatiana and Zoe, you yourself are Taltin are you not? Indeed, I fondly remember being chased out of your store with an axe aimed for my neck… Zaeha was always the more aloof one who journeyed into far out lands and brought back stories and tales. However, I must say I like you better. I have always had a soft heart for the fiery lass and her flying axe.

My true Fremennik name is Dalkir, but I assumed the name Fred Drysdon after I was banished from Jatizso. The King did not take kindly to my secret trips to Neitiznot, unfortunately.

I follow the Fossegrimen, my lady of the waters, though I have recently been influenced by Lana Ceb and her followers to go to the Guthixian side. I am quite torn at the moment, but luckily my duties in the new colony don’t allow for much abstract thought.

May your axe always land first,

Dalkir of Roudange

 Dear Satoko

''Hello Satoko, you probably don’t remember me, but I was one of your competitors during the last four or so Hemenster Archery Contest. Surprisingly, you managed to defeat me time and time again, despite my IMMEASURABLE skill. How did you get so good? Did you use magic to unfairly win against me? I am completely amazed that one so young could be able to defeat ME, a veteran archer who hasn’t missed a shot in EIGHT YEARS. What is the truth of your age? Are the rumors that you are a VAMPYRE true? If that is the case, I will personally go to the Hemenster judges to get you disqualified, you FIEND.''

I await your reply and your attendance at the next Contest,

Steve the Top Shot

AH-hahuhahehua! Oh my dear Stevey! Of course I remember you!

It takes time for archery, and much concentration! Hmm, yes, well, I don't really remember how I got so good, but Master Haranu seem to have taught me so much for the past years with him! And, your a veteran? Haven't missed for EIGHT YEARS? Hardly believable! The Truth to my age? I'm just 10! How can you expect ME to explain that!

And uhh.... ehehe... Ehh... the Vampyre story... uhh... ehehehe... uhh... no... I shouldn't tell you.... Don't listen to what rumors tell 'cha! Umm... Yes. I don't- BLEH. Ehem. Excuse me.

And... Disqualify ME? Ha. Good luck with that!

I shall be seeing you cry home to your mummy when I come back...

'Satoko Houjou, Master Archer and demolition expert of Silksong. Kicking Steve's butt 4 times in a row.'

 My curse to you, Artem,

''I wonder if you work with Lucien. If so, then, stay away from my sister! I hope you aren't torturing anyone that you capture! Because, if you lay one dirty finger on my sister, I swear, I will come over there, take his staff, and banish you.''

''You are definitely my mortal enemy. I suspect you are sending the assassins hmm?''

Mion, leader of Silksong.

Foolish Mion

I do not fraternize with the weakling Mahjarrat Lucien, nor do I associate with his pathetic companions. I work alone, assisted only by my weak minded minions. I do indeed torture you pathetic monkeys when I feel it necessary, for I will go to any measure to get what I want. You need not fear for your sister, at least not yet. Very soon the time will come when I shall obtain the Rose of the Elders. When that time comes, I will be empowered far past even the gods! None will stand in my way, not even you and your pathetic Guild.

As to your mortal enemy? Nay. To say that I am your mortal enemy would make me your rival, your equal. That is not so. I am above you, and you are a mere speck of dust that I must brush aside. The only humans who have ever been a threat to me were Revvin, who died long ago, and Sir Silverblade, who will be the first to fall to the strength I will acquire. Enjoy your life while it is still yours to command, mortal, for my time comes very soon.

Regards,

Artem

 To Tyl the Merchant

''Greetings. I am a very learned individual and have spent many years wandering the high and low places of Gielinor, yet I have not heard of your kind before. Who are you? I have heard a few of my colleagues refer to you as the “Neko,” and speak of you as if you were some sort of God! Is this true? And if so, why have I not heard of you before?''

I await your reply, Mister Merchant.

Don’t look for me, you won’t find me.

Sybirus

Rotemo, Sybirus.

Ah, a student is always my friend! Any type of explorer or philosopher is welcomed to talk to me!

My kind? Oh, nothing but just... humans.

Ha ha! Just kidding! Well, our race is a race that is supposed to be extincted by the end of the God Wars, but oh no no no, we are not! We fled to the far west away from Zamorakian eyes!

You're colleagues stand wrong. We are not of Nekos, but we have a relation with them. We are Noctrazians, clearly meaning, Nekos of the Sea. But, we are not gods. We are just like you humans. Our race is mainly run by all of us. We have no real leader, and most of our race is female.

You probably never heard of us due to us being so 'legendary'! But I will tell you, if we ever decide to re-connect with you Easteners, we will let you know!

I hope that answers your questions.

''And don't sweat it. We will go easy on you.''

~@-T.L.A

 Dear Junior the Explorer

''I just completed Colonizing and I noticed you moved from your ship to the nearby jail. Why is this? Did you steal runite ores or did you steal that ship or something? Also, I haven’t noticed any of the Runite mines you were supposed to be setting up. Did some misfortune beset you? ''

From your concerned friend

Dwarfwhisker

Greetings Subject

Unfortunately, not a week past my glorious voyage to discover the new world, the mortal subjects serving me dared to break from my rule. The foolish underlings ambushed me in my palace, tied me up, and sent me back to Port Sarim, where they threw me into this squalid prison. They shall not hold me for long, however, as my godly power is even now wearing away the iron bars of my cell. It will not be long before I have returned to rule you once more, Dwarfwhisker.

When I was ambushed and sent back to this mortal realm; the King of Misthalin, in his stupidity, ordered that all operations in my realm to cease immediately. Apparently he fears my power there even above the great money that could be amassed from the many Runite mines that dot the area.

Worry not, loyal subject; all shall be righted when I return.

Junior the Glorious

 Yo 1337sp34k4r!

Hey, it's been long since I had seen you!

First question, why do you speak in 1337? Do you ever not speak leet one time?

Second question, do you know Elfinlocks?

Third question, what do you think of Quietdoll?

Fourth question, you like Tehnoobshow? I sure do!

Keiichi

hi2u2

Sup Kei? how u ben?

i speek 1337 cuz i r 1337. i always speek 1337, i r 1337! 817[1-1.

i no elfinlocks, we fite cows a lot 2gthr. we also hng out n world 1 nd at duel arena. i kik her butt cuz i r way bettr.

i thnk quietdoll is 2 quiet.

i luv tehnoobshow, i lern best money mking methd ther.

81

1337sp34k4r

 Supsup Saradomin or Zamorak

''Hi there! You may have heard of me, I'm a pretty famous adventurer. In fact, I'm probably the most famous in the entire world. ''

However, when I arrived at the place known as Castle Wars I was, for the first time, unable to overcome a problem set before me! Should I go in the Saradomin Portal or the Zamorak Portal?

I'm not particularly religious... at all... and I'm just wanting to ask the two of you personally if what the benefits of each are.

So yeah, if you can get time to get back to me, you two, I'd much appreciate it!

Peace!

Advehn Tuhrurr

''Why hello Advehn Tuhurr... ehh, funny name.'''

I think we heard of you as some guy that came from a trash can- Oh Zamorak don't be like that! Well, yes, we had heard of you. Our priests usually pray telling us about you! Portal? Hmm... Choose my side, and you shall gain power like no other- Power is for weaklings! It's where order and wisdom comes in to smite your foes! ORDER? PAH! The only weapon I know, is Chaos! So, GO THROUGH THE RED PORTAL! No, BLUE! RED! BLUE! RED! BLUE!! BAH, just go to the Blue one! But you don't know what you are missing! Yes, we have women here that do not have as much cleavage as the red team. No! Men dig women with busty tops, and showy armour! Join our side! We have Women and milk!

The Two Gods Who Own Guthix

  To Steve on ScapeRune,

''I want to ask you a few questions if that is fine. It really makes me suspicious, since I never met you before... and well, I just thought there was a Steve on ScapeRune.''

''# Are you good at Archery? If not, what are you good at?''

''# Are you a champion, or is Satoko the champion? Also, what is she good at?''

# Who do you follow?

# Who are you in love with in that world?

''That is all I wish to ask. Thanks :)''

Wa Ocean.

Goodbye, hope you write again somtime!

King Steve

Hello backwards man! You are indeed lucky, for it is very seldom that a King answers the mail! I love every single one of those Knights of the Square Table who continually wreak goodness upon my people. Or wait, did you mean hate? I know your world is backwards, even with your vocabulary. Very well, I hate my wife, Satoko.

I follow Bob, as does every dweller of ScapeRune!

I am champion of everything! I am KING! You see, I became KING because I was born last! My elder brothers are drunkard archers in Hemenster, however.

I am rather poor with archery, though I am excellent at ordering re-headings.

Hello.