Coroxn Reviews: Bronze Scripts

So, this is my first review of a story serial review. View Coroxn's Story Serial Review Board (try typing that ten times quickly with fingers full of toffee) to see the home page, and more reviews to come. Now, you can read Bronze Scripts yourself at Bronze Scripts. The author is user:Lomandro who I can tell you before hand has considerable talent in this whole writing game. So now: on to the review.

Storm In Chalcis
First off, a light summery.

Our story begins with an old man in the wizards tower hastily scribbling some manuscripts, while seeing the fire of knights as they swarm and kill everyone inside the tower. All wonderfully described, bright and dark at the same time. Lomandro skillfully paints his world of words with a fierce clarity: at no point are we left wondering what something looks like, what someone's intentions are. However, it is by no means devoid of mystery. A surprising array of events leads us to confusion, and at the end of these few paragraphs there is no doubt you will read more.

And then the story opens again to a rather different world. Street-thief Nathen has an item of value, and attempts to sell it. It doesn't exactly sound thrilling, does it?

Well, it is. Again, the superb clarity comes through, with adjectives fleshing out the world we have only before seen in pixels. But, at the same time, this world is tinged in the murky darkness the underworld of the city are forced to live in. The characters are brutal in their reality-their are no friendly Artfull Dodgers here, no Finigus. These are the thieves that live in the real world, brutal and murderous.

Nathen himself, wins us over in the first few lines. He is a thief. He is sneaky. He is very, very likable. Despite his crimes and wrongdoings, we are so compelled by his charisma to root for him. Go on, Nathen! We shout. ''Go on, you can do it! ''

Aside from the characters, there are some simply fantastic narrative ploys. For example, sometimes, after a long, tense paragraph, Lomandro skips a space and releases all this built-up suspense in one line. It is brilliant (and more often than not, darkly hilarious). In the ending few paragraphs, all the questions that have been pushed into are heads without us realizing it are answered. And the last line is the best, though do yourself a favor and don't just read it first. It's meaningless without the rest of the story, and isn't quite the same the second time around.

1. Narrative
Narrated with a brutal clarity and a ferocious dark shadow, this is definitely one of the story's strong points. There are plenty of BRILLIANT narrative ploys Lomandro uses to make you smile, cringe and lean forward so much you smash into your screen.

Score: 17/20

2. Characters
Our main character, Nathen, is a figure of mystery until the last few lines. This is clever, we don't have a stereotype to put him into-we can appreciate him for what he is and is shown to be. Lots of good characters are ruined because the reader says "Oh, he's a treasure hunter. He must be a snake-fearing, whip wielding, good natured ladies man". And then, they say "What! Indiana Jones would never do that! What kind of crap writer is this guy! Well dodged, Lomandro, well dodged.

Our other character seems simple enough, put is actually pretty complex and has considerable death when you think about him. He is the villain, the stereotypical thief, trying to make a profit and always scamming others. However, he turns to murder pretty quickly, even smiling as he stalks our hero. However, he does have some morals. "I don't want to kill you". He knows what's write and what isn't-even if he doesn't care which side he's son.

Score: 18/20

3. Humor
Lomandro employs many areas of comedy. From subtle peaces of satire to more obvious jokes, it can be very funny but it's a dark humor that doesn't upset the tone or tension. On the contrary, it adds to it, building up the suspense. And, as it juggles all these issues-it's downright hilarious. Not a laugh-out-loud kind of humor, but a much subtler, and lets face it, slightly sick, kind. Some points do have to be knocked off for the lack of variety (a lot of jokes are, essentially the same) and for the fact that there are some unfunny bits that try to hard.

Score:16/20

4. Drama
One of the greatest things about this story-we care about what happens. I did anyway. And that take's considerable skill. I emplore

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