Legend of Haru Part 2

= Bakayoukai saga: By Haru Samazanba Axeman. I always sign my work. (part 2) =

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Chapter 20: rioting

That something, or somethings, happened to be 3 riots. Diana, Sakura, Kyushi and Haru, being the most supernatural of the Twilight Guild, could sense it an hour before... well, describing it in one sentence doesn't do it justice.

As I said before, there were 3 riots, each with about 50 people. There happened to be 1979 people on this world.. One, coming from the taverns and bars in southern Varrock, was an angry, drunken mob. They were protesting against noobs, saying stuff like “We won't stand for Noobs anymore, Jagex!” and “Get rid of noobs!” they were killing N00bs. But who cares? A lot of them were idiots anyway. Like most N00bs tend to be. I mean, some N00bs are such idiots that they make me look like a genius or Warrior of the highest level for writing this. And best of all, I can't get reported for this! I'm a genius! But back to the story... they were ravaging Varrock, looting the stores and banks, killing other players, and generally causing chaos.

The second, better organized mob, heading toward Varrock Square on the east main street, mostly wearing pink skirts, with the redemption prayer hanging over their heads, was protesting the fact Jagex had destroyed PK as we know it. “We want PK”, “This is Ruinedscape, the once massive adventureless game by Jagex!” “Bounty hunter is a piece of crap!” “New Wildy sucks!” “The wild just ain't wild anymore!” they cried. Looters were following in their wake. Veteran PKers were in that crowd, some from the Falador Massacre. So, Mods were hunting them down. Haru and his friends joined the PKing mob.

“Newcomers?” a burly man said. “Put these on.” he tossed them each a pink skirt. Everyone refrained from wearing them. Thankfully, they hadn't been doing Full Princess for rioting garb.

“This is Ruinedscape, the once massive adventureless game by Jagex!” “Bounty hunter is a piece of crap!” “New Wildy sucks!” “The wild just ain't wild anymore!” the rioters screamed, throwing snowballs, and using snow globes to get more. Mods tried to stop them, but they were pelted to death by a blizzard of snowballs. When they respawned, they confronted the other mobs.

The third mob, coming from the West main street, was protesting the fair trade rule. They screamed at how horrible it was. “POWER TO PLAYERS!” they cried. It was chaos.

I would like to explain a bit of wisdom from an as-yet unnamed Player Moderator. He had experience with rioting, and here's what he had to say:

“When two or more riots collide, get the hell out of there.”

Now, Varrock square was the collision point for these 3 mobs. This would no doubt hurt a lot.

All the negative energy was about to collide, when suddenly...

Poof! Poof! Poof! Poof! Poof! Poof! Poof! Poof! The Twilight Guild disappeared.

Chapter 21: Weird!

Time: 3:30 P.M

“what just happened?” asked Sam.

“I really have no idea. But where could we be?” Haru replied, taking in the beautiful furniture of the room they had found themselves in.

“You are in my house,” an old voice replied.

“Are you the Mysterious Old Man?” Sakura asked.

“Yes I am,” the voice replied, revealing himself.

“So, why are we here?” Zelda asked.

“You see, I have a problem,” he replied. “Are you aware that there are about 144 different Runescapes in existence?”

“Yes,” Haru replied.

“You are also aware that there is a sort of Command zone, a place filled with mages commissioned by the gods to warp what is generally known as “reality” to most residents of the 144 worlds?”

“I suspected as much.”

“And that world 66 has missed the reporting cycle for these mages?”

“I am now. But what does this have to do with us?”

“I have heard you are a great team, and have participated on many quests together.”

“That we have. But have you heard our record of violently destroying something during all quests we undertake?”

“Yes.”

“The point is, I want you to visit world 66, and find out what happened. But I have to warn you...”

“What?” Haru asked.

“Most of the time, we find that the transmitter in the Wizards Tower has been broken by eggheads who are a bit too busy meditating and are out of touch with the world. But expect the unexpected! Because dammit, ''those things happen! ''I sent a team to world 53 to see why there was no signal coming from there, and they came back wearing monkey suits! Why? The monkeys of Ape Atoll had taken over and made all humans wear monkey suits!”

“Weird,” Samuel muttered.

“A team was sent to world 8, and they found it being overrun by Ents!”

“Weirder,” Acidwire muttered.

“Teams were sent to worlds 20-35, and they found them in the midst of a Zamorak invasion! I could go on, but you probably get the idea.”

“We do,” Sakura put in.

“Now I will teleport you to an unpopulated area, somewhere near Rimmington. I won't put you in Misthalin, because I think something bad happened there.”

“What could that be?” she asked.

“I don't know. But you soon will. But before you go, I have this to offer to you, Sakura,” the Mysterious old Man said, handing her a burlap bag about half as big as your average potato sack.

“What is it?” she asked.

“A magic bag of disguise. When you need a disguise, just reach in the bag, and it comes out. It will not be the disguise you want, just the one you need.”

And then, after bursting into rapidly changing flame, they were gone.

Somewhere near Rimmington...

“Well, I guess we're here. But-Majide!! ” Haru observed.

“What?” Kyushi asked.

“You can see the stars as if its the middle of the night. Yet its the middle of the day, and the sun is out!”

“Thats weird, but maybe its night,” Kyushi replied.

“It looks that way. But it says 3:30 pm on my watch,” Haru replied. “It's the afternoon according to my watch, but according the sky, its midnight!”

“Majide is right,” Kyushi replied. “something is off here, and I'm not sure I want to know what it is.”

“I think we can all safely agree with Kyushi,” Diana agreed. “But somethings pointing me to Varrock, and that seems like going into the lion's den.”

“Well,” Haru grinned, with a grin that could get you a free life stay in an insane asylum, “When in doubt, go to the center!”

“But we have no Law Runes, or anything else to get to Varrock!” Acidwire pointed out.

“But we do. The Mysterious old man supplied us with runes, and survival items.” Samuel observed.

And so, quite literally, in a flash, they all disappeared.

Meanwhile, under a Saradomin statue in Varrock, a Monk of Zamorak, whose name was Capricorn, gasped in alarm, looking at the viewing globe designed specifically to monitor the Abyssal Receptors, small threads that ran through the Abyss.

“A teleport signal!” the monk gasped. “Players!”

CHAPTER 22: Whaaaaaaaaat?!

The Dagon'Hai HQ was abuzz. Players hadn't been seen for months. For good reason too, considering what awaited them...

“Are you sure players are teleporting, Cap?” asked a monk named Caruso, who was Capricorn's brother.

Capricorn turned to his colleague and friend. “110 percent, Caruso. I'm sure its not one of the higher-ups, considering the Embargo, and this seems too big for magic bootleggers. And this one is giving off an Aura.”

Caruso nodded. “Should we tell Cancer and Kaia? They'll get the message to the Grand Nine ASAP.”

“Affirmative,” Capricorn replied. “You know, I never thought I'd be working undercover as a Monk of Zamorak in the Rune Saviors monitoring outfit.”

“You expected something cooler?”

“No. Something weirder involving dressing up in something I'd rather not be, or getting changed to some kind of mystic creature, like Kaia.”

“Ah, that. For people like us, it's good not to turn into something like Kaia. But at least this will help us avenge our father.”

Elsewhere, in part of Varrock where things make more sense...

Haru and his friends materialized in an abandoned building in Varrock, occupied mostly by an unusually large stove with strange circular markings.

“Why not Varrock square?” Haru asked himself. “Why-OH MY GUTHIX!”

“What?” Acidwire asked.

“I know this place!” Haru gasped. “It's Aubury's Rune shop! Why would he abandon it?”

“I have no idea,” Sakura asked. “he could have been forced out, but I don't think I want to know what happened. This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.”

“Maybe we should ask the King what this weirdness is,” Diana suggested.

“Good idea,” Sakura replied. “But something tells me we might need a disguise. Let's reach in this bag and pull something out.”

Haru reached in and pulled out a white headband with cat ears on it. Or at least, that was all that could be seen. “Yes...” he muttered. And then he pulled out a white cat costume. He was ecstatic.

“Yes!” He cried.

“What's that about?” Sakura asked.

“I heard what the Mysterious old Man said. So I could have picked out something from a magical girl themed anime.”

“Oh,” she replied, pulling out a black cat costume.

They all pulled out cat costumes and put them on.

So then, with them all dressed like cats, Haru wondered something out loud. “Aren't these supposed to be magic?”

At that moment, the costumes shifted, turning them all into cats.

“Weird,” Sakura meowed.

And so, the troupe of cats walked over to Varrock Palace, to find it completely different. In fact, the palace itself had been moved back, to make room for a huge arena!

“Weirder,” she mewed again.

“And now, presenting a grand battle!” a tall man yelled, standing on top of a tower overlooking the arena.

Two level 77 players came out. They were dressed in full mithril. But something, or a lot of somethings about the players, were off somehow, as Haru could sense.

“Something is wrong,” Haru breathed.

“What?” Diana asked.

“When I was a level 12, and I was 10 years old, my adoptive father, the forging baron Baron Barron Von Barron, would take me to the duel arena. I know for a fact that no player over the level of 30 would wear full mithril. And their Aura... its dark, angry, confused, and malnourished. And, for another thing, the bloodlust of the crowd. That's just plain abnormal. It will make sense if you think about it.”

His friends gasped.

“I know. Look.” he pointed with his tail.

“Mommy, will we watch the evil ones perish?” a little boy was asking.

“Okay, so they hate players. But why? We should get back to our human forms and-” an instant after the words left Sakura's mouth, they changed into their human forms, Haru wearing the hardleather waistcoat, rune chainbody, kiteshield, and boots made of runite. His battleax resting at his waist.

“Oh god.” he muttered. “This is so going to get ugly.”

To put a long story short, it did. The crowd, all NPCs, leaped at them. Haru immediately activated the Armor of Faith, and with a single warm-up swing of his battleaxe, the first wave of attackers was dead.

Sakura transformed into her fairy form, joined into the fray, and, with Haru, shot enchanted bolts out of her crossbow. The two of them were unbeatable!

“Don't you think we should get this over with?” Sakura asked, machine-gunning down a barbarian with her crossbow.

“Yes. Hold your breath,” he answered. Then he sucked the air out of the arena, and then...

'''“ODAMA KAMAZANBA! GIANT WIND CLEAVER!”''' (yes, that was Japanese. Expect more words from other languages later.) he yelled, sending all the air out with 2 swings of his battleaxe, cleaving through everything.

The ringmaster stared in complete disbelief at the massacred audience. “oh my Guthix! You killed them! Your just like the rest! Get them!”

And then, the floor of the arena opened, revealing a small army of bulky, overmuscled guys wearing full black.

Acidwire scanned their levels. “Level 50!” he exclaimed. “We can't kill all of them!”

“I'm level 51, I could probably kill two. But 27.. I'd be dead by then!” Haru agreed.

“Run?” Diana suggested.

“Oh yeah,” everyone agreed.

They bolted for the exit. But two level 21 guards were in the way. “You shall not-Yaglp!” they yelled as Haru cut through them with his battleaxe, sprinting out. But then, at the main entrance, the gate was coming down and-

“Come with me!” hissed a voice, grabbing them, taking them into the shadows.

Sakura looked over their rescuer. The person looked a lot like princess Mizaraqha, except her outfit was a deep shade of indigo, it was 3 times frillier, and she had ice-blue eyes and white hair like Haru.

“Who are-” Diana was about to ask the strangers name, but was refused.

“Hush! No time for formal introduction!” the stranger replied, running surprisingly fast for someone with such huge skirts.

The Twilight Guild members raced after her. And then they stopped at the Varrock sewer. “Dang.” she muttered. “Can't fit in with these skirts.” and then, in that curious way that people often do in runescape, the dress disappeared to reveal a slimmer one.

And then they ran through the sewers, to the Moss giants, who were guarding the obstacle pipe that lead to Edgeville.

“What is the password?” one of them rumbled.

“There is no password, so let me in before I break right through the wall!” she yelled.

To Haru's surprise, the wall opened up, leaving a path to Edgeville, which they promptly ran to.

What they came into was completely unexpected. The humongous ruined building that dominated Edgeville still looked like a burned-out wreck on the outside. But the inside.. it was made for war. People jousted. Weapons and armor from all points of the compass hung on the walls. Players rushed back and forth from the portal to the frozen north, where the essence mine is.

Haru looked around, trying to spot the smoke of Varrock in the distance. There was none. Just a wall.

Then the stranger led them to the newly-constructed seventh floor, which held about 5 decent-sized rooms, 2 dedicated to watching over the countryside.

“Excuse me a moment, but what's going on here?” Haru asked.

“I will tell you that,” the stranger replied, turning to Haru, revealing her to be...

“Kaia?!” Haru gasped.

Chapter 23: How who what when why where?!

Warning: Long chapter. Very long chapter!

(sometime before now, Sakura and Haru transformed back into humans, as Haru's armor activates his half-demon powers, therefore, when taking it off, he becomes human again.)

“Kaia?!” Haru gasped. “How who what when why where?!”

"Kaia who I met at a production of the nutcracker? The Kaia that played a Marzipan Shepherdess?" Sakura gaped.

“Yes. I'm Kaia. And yes, I was a Marzipan Shepherdess, I really liked that part,” Kaia replied. (yes, this is Kaia who I mentioned in the last chapter. I wouldn't dare put two characters with the same name in, sometimes when writing I put in so many characters I lose track of them. )

At times like this, an author will be known to insert long, semi-useless explanations into a story. So here I go.

I have noticed that almost all stories I read have these three things. One, a cool action scene at the end, a great quest, and a shocking meeting of one of the main characters with a relative, usually with a history that is even more shocking. But, if you think Sakura being a daughter of the fairy godmother was mind-blowing, and Haru meeting his sister was too....

"You ain't seen nothing yet!"

“I can't believe it! After 3 years, Kaia, my beloved pyromaniacal sister returns! But your different. Are those cat ears and tail just decoration?” Haru grinned, embracing his sister in a suffocatingly loving bear hug.

She grinned. “They aren't fake.”

“How?” her brother asked.

“Your fox ears aren't,” she replied, pointing out the ears on Haru's head.

“Oh, that. Well, I hooked up with this ancient fox demon, Kyushi”-Haru pointed. “and so I have fox ears and a fox's tail. Ah, things can be weird for us seventh children of seventh children."

"Same here. Albeit the demon I merged isn't one of my closest companions."

"But there's one thing I don't get..."

"What?"

"Why are you here, instead of our homeworld, world 2?"

Kaia looked sheepish. "There was this crazy 15-minute sale on costumes at the Grand Exchange."

"Ah," Haru replied. "Still have a fixation on pretty dresses and costumes?"

"Yes," she replied. "Someone was selling a really frilly fairy costume. Someone else was selling a catsuit. Another was selling some of the costumes from Varrock's last production of the nutcracker."

"You bought them all, didn't you?"

"Your right on the money! I just wish that I could perform in the nutcracker again. Varrock just hasn't been the same since The Embargo."

"I haven't the foggiest idea what that is, but does it have something to do with the lack of players there, and how NPC's hate players now?"

"Ah yes, that. I never expected it to happen! All I came here for was a 15 minute quitter sale, a part in the Varrock theater, and lots of EXP!"

"Why don't you tell us the story?" Kyushi asked. "I have the feeling that it will help us understand what happened."

"It will. Now listen," Kaia replied. Then, in her best storytelling voice, she started...

"A little less than a year ago, something strange happened. Magic failed to work properly. People thought it was either Armageddon, or, in the most believable version, energy inside of the Rune Essence was dying. It is widely held that the Rune Essences are connected to some strange power, the one that keeps magic working. The truth of the matter was that the power had shifted, which happens every 10 millenia. The Embargo would never have happened if people just believed that. But, here's the question: If it was true that the reserves of magic had been depleted, then who uses magic the most, would therefore be the scapegoat, and the result of unimaginable torture?"

Sakura gasped. "The players!"

“Exactly. Runescape was in chaos, it seemed, until a group of wizards showed up. They called themselves the R-saviors, and I can tell you some of their key members: Grayzag, Melzar, Surok, and Malignus Mortifier. They proposed that all magic be banned until the power was restored, and that all players be branded as outcasts, criminals, and to be killed on sight. Now this sparked something in most NPCs, as they were sick and tired of being brutally slaughtered by players, and they enslaved the players, making them build impossibly big monuments, mine in the most uninhabitable shafts, and as slave-soldiers. The NPCs of Lumbridge and Tutorial Island didn't approve, as they had always been dedicated to helping players. So Lumbridge became the center of the rebellion. Edgeville also became a fortress.”

“Any other Player Sanctuaries?” Haru asked.

“The wilderness, Zanaris, and just about any dungeon in existence.”

“Could this get worse?” Haru asked.

“Well, the good news is that our agents stole all armor higher than mithril from the Varrock miltary. But the bad news is this...”

“Magic restored itself at least a week after it stopped working. The R-saviors were about to give it back when Grayzag suggested 'We control all magic already. And we still do. Do you think we can pass up such an opportunity?' they couldn't, as you can see. And now, anyone found guilty of practicing magic is to be thrown in jail for life. But, thankfully, we stole all armor above mithril from them.”

“Oh god....” Kyushi gasped. “This cannot be good.”

“Well duh, didn't you hear me?” Kaia asked.

“Yes, but...”

“But....?” everyone asked.

“Magic is the basis for Runescape. It preserves, it nurtures the land, and most importantly, it keeps Chaos away from civilization, and vice versa.”

“So, you're saying....”

“I think I'll put what my demonic half-brother is going to say into simple terms,” Haru replied. “you know how, in a really big battle, stones rise up and disintegrate?”

“Runescape is going to disintegrate?!” Kaia gasped.

“No,” Haru replied, seemingly reassuring. “it won't disintegrate.”

Kaia sighed in relief.

“But, all the particles of Runescape.... god, I have a hard time saying this... well, they will rise up into the air, but... well, I'll put it this way. You know how in Pokemon, the rise of Darkrai, all matter deteriorates, and it is flying up, to be transported into another world, till eventually the whole place just blinks into an alternate dimension?”

“Haru, are you saying what I think your saying?”Sakura asked.

“I don't know. What do you think I'm saying?”

“That Runescape as we know it will end.”

Haru nodded. “I'm saying the exact same thing. But, on the bright side, we don't know if it will happen today.”

“Oh, that makes me feel much better,” Sakura replied sarcastically.

“There is one way that we can tell. When the night sky is perpetually at night, and has only one star, there are 42 hours before the world as we know it is transported to the Abyss to be ruled by Zamorak.”

“You mean like the sky is right now?” Sam pointed out.

Haru, Kyushi, and Kaia cursed in the language of demons, which could sear the scales off of the King Black Dragon.

Everyone else cursed in human.

Chapter 24: 42 hours to Apocalypse!

“Awright, people! I know a lot of you are n00bs, and this is quite sudden, but we must execute an all-out attack on Varrock within the next 42 hours!”

“Shouldn't we go to Lumbridge?” a player asked.

“Good idea! Everybody, teleport to Lumbridge!

And then, the air was filled with the sound of people appearing in Lumbridge.

They walked to the castle in Lumbridge courtyard. There, the 4 tutors of Lumbridge, the Melee tutor, the Ranged tutor, the Magic tutor and the summoning tutor were waiting.

“So, the world will end in 41 hours?” the Magic tutor asked.

“That's the size of it,” Caruso, one of the undercover monks of Zamorak replied.

“You know, Alan, you have done a good job,” said the Melee tutor to Caruso. “As have you, Joe.” he pointed to Capricorn.

“What does this matter?” Haru cried. “We could all die, or suffer a fate worse than death in 41 hours, so why the heck are we standing around?!”

“Good point,” the Summoning tutor replied. “Onward to victory and freedom!”

meanwhile, at the south gate of Varrock....

Kin visibly flinched. He was a new recruit for the Varrock guard, and he was stationed at the south gate. He wore red armor with blue trim, and his Silverlight sword sat in his right hand. “Something's about to happen,” he observed. “the resistance is behind it.”

His comrade, Altris, snorted. “Yeah right. As if they could do any real damage.”

“I'm not so sure. What about the story that they took all armor higher than mithril?”

“There is no such thing as-Holy ****!” Altris gasped.

“Yeah, I can't believe there are lesser and greater demons, undead things, and Revenants coming out of the ground! There are minions of Zamorak everywhere!!”

“Not that!”

“The huge vortex appearing in Varrock square?”

“NO! The cloud of dust caused by players running right toward us!”

“Oh crap.” they both muttered. For on the cloud, they could clearly see 3 humongous beast auras.

“We're all going to die, aren't we?”

“Yup.”

Back with Haru, Kaia, and everybody else...

Haru and Kyushi, in their similar armors, ran with inhuman speed, their long coats flaring out behind them like capes.

“Crap.” Kyushi muttered. “Zombies.”

The zombies ran toward Kyushi. Kyushi swung his sword, and with a wave of overpowering shadow, the pathetic amount of life force in them ignited and burned, flaming out of their mouths.

“That's the first wave of them!” he called enthusiastically. Then he saw more forming. He cursed in Demon. “Bragshyrr!” the air darkened. Demon is a simply vulgar, horrifyingly disgusting language. A simple word of it is enough to cause massive collateral damage to an average-sized building. A curse word in demon.... well, its about the same thing as a curse. Like, a witches curse? Horrible luck, unimaginable pain?

Haru, holding his red battleaxe, sliced through a wave of zombies and skeletons with two swings which shot out scythe-like blades made of compressed wind. Then, in a maneuver he never explained, clenched his hand into a fist, and then splayed his palm out, sending every block of stone in the Varrock wall into an undead creature. (it should be noted that you cannot separate huge stones from mortar just with wind.)

Kyushi's jaw dropped. “how did you...”

“No time. We have to stop Armageddon by releasing the magic!”

“Just how do we do that?”

“I haven't gotten to that part yet. But we should just kick a lot of butt.”

“We could just close the rift, and kick a lot of butt.”

“Great idea!”

Kaia pulled out a rune halberd. She shredded the monsters with it, stabbing and parrying with it. Then, in a particularly complicated maneuver, she jumped up and destroyed 5 demons simultaneously. ”I've never gained so much EXP before!” she gasped.

“Me neither!” Haru replied, smashing a demon with his axe. “oh, and Kaia, you're about to get a lot more.”

“Why?”

“Your demon side is coming out.”

“Really?”

“Look at yourself,” Haru replied, using another wind scythe attack to kill some more demons.

Kaia looked at her reflection. She saw a girl her size, only her skin was tanner, clad in black with red markings on it, and a short black skirt. She had a cat's ears, claws, and tail. “Wow. I could do a lot of damage with this.”

“Yes, you certainly could,” Haru replied. His demon side had also come out, leaving him with a fox's ears, tail and claws. They were exact copies of what Kyushi looked like most of the time, albeit they were white like Haru's hair. He also seemed to have a weird blue glow...

A large demon jumped for Kaia, and then...

SPLUMP

A sound that sounded like a wet melon smashing into the ground after being dropped from 7 stories up. Acidwire was clutching a large obsidian-studded club. “Are you all right?” he asked Kaia.

“I'm fine,” she replied.

“WELL, WHAT'S THIS?” a lesser demon bellowed. “FRIENDS OF KYUSHI? THAT TRAITOROUS ROGUE DEMON WHO CARES FOR JUSTICE?!”

“Apparently so,” Kyushi replied, standing behind the demon. “But I could care less about justice.”

“I KNEW YOU HADN'T CHANGED ON THE INSIDE!”

“However, if an enemy attacks my friends, I will destroy it completely!” (this is a little speech I borrowed from Megaman Zero 4. I admit it.)

“WHAT?!”

“Do I have to repeat myself?” Kyushi groaned. “eh well, your not even worth my sword.”

“I'LL SHOW YOU UNWORTHY! BUUUURN!”

Immediately, a humongous blast of flame hurtled toward Kyushi. “Feh.” he muttered. And then Kyushi was gone.

“Wait a minute....” Kaia muttered. “Kyushi's running right inside that flame!” And it was true!

“I'll defeat you even if I burn up in the process!” Kyushi cried.

“Well, try not do that!” Kaia screamed. Then...

KA-BLAAAMFF

Kyushi had just planted his fist smack in the demon's chest. “How did...”

History will never record what the demon was going to say, as it died before then, being repeatedly smashed through buildings.

“Kyushi, are you completely insane?” Acidwire gasped.

Kyushi sighed. “Since when have demons needed to be sane?”

Well, Acidwire had to admit that made sense. When had evil needed to be sane?

Meanwhile...
Sakura and Diana were flying overhead, rune crossbows in hand. They both machine-gunned monsters down.

“You won't believe this attack!” Diana grinned. “Wolf arrow!” Diana shot a bolt from her crossbow. Then, all of a sudden, it turned into a wolf, which ran around, ravaging the demons.

“Impressive. But watch this!” Sakura shot an arrow, which embedded itself in the ground, and then turned into a giant vine, which strangled the demons. They didn't notice the one that was coming from behind them, until...

BLAAAMFF

A large blue beam of energy smashed into the demon, inflicting 25 damage on it. “AA-AAAAAAAAAAAARGGH!” it yelled.

Sakura turned around to see Haru, his battleaxe smoking. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yes, but what did you-?”

“Sorry, I don't think you want to know yet. But I will tell you later.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

With that, Haru jumped up, slashing the demon diagonally across its chest. It died, writhing in agony.

Sam walked over, his red robes turned blood-red. “So what's the plan?”

Alan walked over, wearing full addy, and security gloves and boots. “we close the rift,” he replied.

“Just how do we do that?” Diana asked.

“Well, I'm no expert, but.... kill the source of the rift?”

“You mean Grayzag? It was his suggestion.”

“Okay, then Grayzag dies.”

“There he is!” a cowering man yelled. The Twilight Guild turned. What they saw would shock them forever.

//Chapter 25: another cutaway//

Taiki's dad worked at the Science ministry, among the best and brightest. He had told them they were visiting his workplace. Tairin and her brothers were very excited to see him. But that excitement quickly changed to bewilderment when they read his note.

“To my sons and daughter,” it read. “I know you've wanted to visit my workplace, so I'm inviting you there. I had a devil of a time trying to convince the manager of the Science Ministry to allow you in. My workplace is on the 5thfloor. To open my door, open the closet with a picture of a mushroom cloud, then push down on the skull resting on the unpolished granite base. You may want to bring a flashlight. And those flashbang guns I gave you for your birthdays...

Your loving Dad,

Samuel D. Inoue

“That is undoubtedly one of the weirdest things I have ever read. And I read BoBoBo Bo Bo BoBo!” Tengu gasped.

“Let's go anyway. It's the special font on Dad's computers and typewriters. And I do want to use those flashbang guns. I wonder why he wanted us to bring them, though?”

20 minutes later, after a short bike ride to the Science Ministry, they found out. The inside of the Science Ministry was a bit more old-fashioned than one would guess, all varnished oak paneling. They even had an elevator operator!

“What floor ya going to?” he asked.

“5th floor, please.”

The operator laughed. “ha ha ha! That floor was closed due to budget cuts! But I'll take you there if you want me to...”

The elevator stirred, and they gradually were pulled up to the 5th floor. Tairin gasped. The place looked like part of an abandoned house. Insulation hang out of the walls and ceiling, rundown medical supplies sat in the hallway, the wood was rotted in places, there was something on the floor they weren't sure they wanted to identify, and-

Something was leaping toward them! Quickly, Taiki raised his flashbang gun, which emitted a burst of sound, then a bight flash of light. “What the heck was that?!” he screeched.

“that,” the operator replied. “Is an accident from the Radiation department.” he promptly closed the doors, heading to the eighth floor.

Taiki, Tairin, and Tengu cautiously walked through the hallway, into a closet with a picture of a mushroom cloud on it. They opened it.

“Hey, there's the skull!” Tengu gasped. He pushed down on the skull. And then...

SHWLOOOOP

The closet shot down pretty darn fast, smashing the 3 into the ceiling.

“OW!” they yelled.

Then it stopped. They fell to the floor. Then it started again, this time heading to the side. They smacked into the side of the closet. When they came to, the doors were open. They were in a room that was reminiscent of a high-tech company's lobby, albeit there were no windows. Their dad walked out to greet them. “Welcome!” he greeted them.

“Uh, what is this?” Taiki asked.

“I can't tell you. Its a secret.”

“Why does it have to be so secret?”

“That's also a secret!”

“Its a secret why it has to be secret?”

“Yes! Its a secret secret reason for being secret!”

“I think we're overusing the word secret. Or was that supposed to be secret?”

“NO! But what we do here is secret!”

“Do you have a secret thing?”

“Yes, even though its supposed to be a secret! But its a secret secret thing!”

“Should we stop?”

“Yes. Anyway, let me take you for a tour. But I will reveal a couple secrets.” their dad, Sam replied.

“Are they secret-”

“STOP!!!” Tairin and Tengu yelled.

Their dad led them to a huge room, filled with Bunsen burners, alembics, things that defied explanation, and things that looked like giant destructive lasers.

“Uh, dad, are you not bored by this? Do you know its a high-tech laboratory filled with extremely destructive and secret things?” Tairin asked.

“No to the boredom, yes to the destructive things.”

“Does your boss have a grain sack, or any other kind of mask over his head?”

“Double no.”

“Do you make stilts or helipacks for, I don't know, whales or manatees?”

“WHAAAT?!”

“I'll take that as a no. Good, I thought this was like in my book, “Whales On Stilts!”.

“What happened in that?”

“Nothing much. There's just this girl, Lily Gefelty, whose dad takes her to his workplace, which looks like an abandoned workplace and she finds out its a secret lab, and they make stilts for whales there, they have Bunsen burners, high-tech computers, alembics, things that defied explanation, and things that looked like giant destructive lasers. And the boss there has a grain sack over his head, and he repeatedly pours brine over his head. Lily finds out what they do, including the boss saying: 'Im going to take over the world, and the whales on stilts, ones with lasers in their eyeballs. So she calls her friend Jasper, who is like some kid from the forties or something, whose also a genius, and her friend Katie, who deals with the supernatural, including her evil double from another dimension and were-goats and mind-sloths. Then they disguise themselves as photocopier repairmen, and get chased by goons with handguns, and so on and so forth.”

“Okay... you know, you have really weird tastes!”

“So, what do you work on here?” Taiki asked.

“I can't explain that, without saying this. Did you know that this town used to be a small community dedicated to atomic power?”

“No. How could I? Nobody mentions it.”

“Anyway, because of that, we have complete contact with the rest of the government. That includes Area 51.”

“The Holy Grail of global conspiracy nutcases actually exists?!”

“Yes. I've been there. Remember that 5-week business trip I took to Las Vegas?”

“Yes. I always thought it was odd. Wait, if I recall correctly, it wasn't a business trip, just a business perk. Apparently you said the Science Ministry owned a casino, for some reason. You didn't bring us, because Las Vegas would be a bad influence. Say, is it true that its legal to carry a gun in Las Vegas?”

“Yes. I brought my Colt. 45 magnum and revolver there.”

“MAJIDE?!” Taiki, Tengu, and Tairin yelled.

“Moving on... anyways, to put it simply, Area 51 is 60 miles away from the Las Vegas strip. This would be in the middle of the desert. There's a secret underground highway to Area 51, with the entrance hidden in an abandoned casino. Anyway, I drove over there, and did some research on alien spacecraft there, made some revelations, and they said I did a good job.”

“Aliens exist?” Tengu asked.

“Yes. Besides, I had lunch with Barney and Betty Hill once. They were nice people. Anyway, they asked me to take this to the Science Ministry and study it.” he pointed to an enormous ring shaped structure, sort of like a giant donut made of some strange material.

“That is eerily like a Stargate from Stargate Atlantis,” Taiki observed. He looked it over, and... on it, he could clearly see the emblems of all kinds of Rune from Runescape! Even the life rune! He mentioned this to his dad.

“That is very weird,” Sam replied.

Believe it or not, things would get weirder. A lesser demon suddenly stepped out! It grabbed Sam!

 it muttered.

“What are you, and what do you want?” Sam asked.

	“And why would I do that?” 

''	The lesser demon grabbed him. ''

	Taiki decided he needed help, as that experience 

filled him with terror 

''like huge words taking up half of a bleached pale-white page, albeit a digital one. He, Tairin and Tengu agreeing on it, decided they needed help. ''

''	Quickly. ''

Chapter 26: the hole 

	(this is, beyond a doubt, the longest and most random chapter in the story.) 

'' It was Grayzag, standing in dead center of Varrock, rising in the center of what looked like a bloodred cyclone, head tilted back at an odd angle, arms out. He was chanting something in demon, which was odd, as his mouth was open the whole time. And then something came out. It was sort of like liquid darkness. It had a jelly-like body, and a flat, leering face. “Hello. You're just in time for the end of the world as you know it!” ''

'' “Who are you?!” Sakura yelled. As soon as she said it, something even more disgusting began to happen. A hideously ugly old man's face formed itself out of the red clouds of the cyclone. ''

'' “It's a dark Revenant. A new invention of mine, it is a demon that has the ability to possess, and keeps evolving with the darkness it absorbs.” it said. ''

''	“ZAMORAK!” Haru yelled. “YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO POSSESS SAKURA!” ''

	“Indeed I am.” 

	“AND THE ONE TO POSSESS MY FATHER!” 

''	“What?” everybody in the Twilight guild, including Alan asked. ''

''	“Long story.” he replied. ''

	“Correct.” 

''	“The Dark Revenant dies, then.” Kyushi replied coldly. ''

'' “Excellent.” the Dark Revenant replied. “You will too!” its shadowy body sprouted 4 other long, lanky arms, which, including the original 2, transformed into an axe, a split sword, a crossbow, a saw, and a hammer with a flail on the end (kendama). An enormous bloodshot eye sprouted from its chest. It then shed its black skin, revealing purple, blistered, deformed skin, 7 horns on the head, and ragged bat's wings on the back. ''

'' Zamorak gaped. “I know I designed the thing to evolve, but this thing is a thousand times more powerful than I thought! Good luck!” he promptly disappeared. ''

''	“You know what I find amazing at times like these?” Haru asked. ''

''	“No, what?” Diana asked. ''

''	“The fact that I have time to cuss before I stupidly run off to my possible death. ****!” ''

	“Okay...” 

'' Then the Dark Rev shot toward them. “DIE!” it yelled, a weapon pointing to each of them. Haru, Kyushi, Sakura, Xanthe, Diana, Acidwire, and Sam. A humongous blaze of abyssal flame was heading for Alan, but... ''

'' They all blocked the attacks headed for each of them. Haru had, however, literally disarmed the Dark Revenant. “GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” it yelled. “Well, you can fight me, obviously! But can you fight your friend?!” with that, it slithered down Acidwire's throat. ''

'' Acidwire, or at least the thing controlling Acidwire, moved forward and grabbed Haru. “Bwaaaahahahaha!” it laughed, strangling Haru. “I know you couldn't punch your own friend!” ''

	“You're right, I can't punch my own friend...” 

	“You weak fool!” 

'' “BUT MAYBE THIS WILL KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO HIM!” Haru yelled, smashing his fist into Acidwire's face, crushing his nose, making him cough up blood, and sending him through at least two buildings. Then his face hit a wall. Next, the Dark Rev shot out of Acidwire's mouth, crashing through wall after wall, and then hit a tree, which promptly fell on top of him. Haru gaped at the swath of destruction he had caused. “That's going to leave a mark!” ''

''	“Did you expect that to kill me?!” the Dark rev laughed, shooting toward the Twilight Guild. ''

'' “No.” Kyushi replied. “But this will. ABYSSAL FLAME!” he yelled. A humongous blast of black flame shot out, incinerating the Dark Revenant's second skin. ''

''	“Won't die, eh? Then take this!” he yelled. “Pinball Teleportation Overdrive! ''

''	“What is this?” the Dark Rev asked. ''

	“The Grim Reaper's pinball machine, where Death will toy with your very life!” 

''	“Wha-AAAAARRRGGGGGHH!” it yelled, slipping into a very painful ball-shaped pose. ''

''	The Grim Reaper walked over to the pinball machine, where he then put a gold piece in the machine. ''

'' “Here I come!” yelled Kyushi, swinging his sword, and using it to smash the Dark Rev into about 10 pinball posts. It hurt a lot. ''

''	It rolled back down. Kyushi smacked him, yet again. It shot toward a large, black, evil-looking toilet. ''

''	“Oh my Guthix! You've fallen into the Toilet of Terror!” Kaia gasped in mock horror. “And its about to be snaked!” ''

''	“EEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHH!!!” the Dark Rev yelled, being chased by a large black serpent. ''

''	“And now for the super mondo atomic flush!” cried Kaia. ''

''	“WUURRRRGGGHH!!!!” it screamed as a tornado came out of the toilet. ''

'' You know the Twilight Guild is going to win, or else nobody would be walking in Varrock. But, to prolong the Dark Rev's agony, I'll keep it going. ''

''	It was flung out, and he smashed against the walls. And then.... ''

'' “PIANO OF PAIN!!!!!” yelled Acidwire as a piano smacked into Dark Rev. Something was playing a horrifyingly bad tune on it. And then it got stuck under the keys, which all had daggers attached to the ends of them. “It's a Melody of Malady!”cried Acidwire. ''

''	He was crushing the Dark Rev. This really hurt. ''

	“Now for Super Tokugi: Takoyaki barrage!”''yelled Haru. Why he said it in italics I will never know. ''

''	Then suddenly the earth shook. ''

	”What was that?” it asked.”Could it possibly have something to do with Haru's attack, whatever it is?” 

''	“10.... 9..... 8...... 7........ 6....... 5........ 4......... 3......... 2......... 1....... ZERO HOUR!” yelled Haru. ''

''	And then something extremely random happened. A huge Japanese-style version of the Cook's guild slammed into the Dark Rev. ''

'' When the it awoke, it found itself sitting at tables in a restaurant, waiters asking other people what they would like. A large, muscular chef wearing armor that looked sort of like it was made from bamboo, but, upon closer inspection, was revealed to be entirely made from sticks of dynamite. A badge on his chest, the detonator perhaps, read “Chef Blitzcraig.” (Get it? As in Blitzkrieg?) Haru and Kyushi sat in the most comfortable booth, which was on a balcony, reading Shonen Jump. They were laughing.“Now what could the Don Patch extract.... Holy crap! It makes you think like Don Patch! Are You Serious?!” Kyushi guffawed. ''

'' “Yeah! That is one messed-up attack! Panties?! Stupid Prince?! Spicy?! You can't be serious! I mean, look at Fist of the Wild Dance of the Infuriated Jelly! Thats idiotic! I've never seen such angry jelly!” ''

'' “How the _____ did you get a subscription to Shonen Jump in Runescape?! How?!” asked a N00B who had asked for sushi, and was devouring it, and his rice ball wrapped in seaweed. “Oh well, once I finish my sushi, you shall die and I shall take that rare item!” ''

''	“Did you know that sushi is actually raw fish? And that rice ball is wrapped in seaweed?”asked Atticus. ''

''	“Did you hear what I-Holy crap! Are you serious?!”the Dark Rev responded. ''

''	“Yes. I am serious. Don't you trust my sanity?” ''

'' “NO! But I don't trust the chef's sanity! I mean, he serves raw fish! _____ raw fish! And this rice ball is wrapped in seaweed! I mean, what ____ idiot would serve that!" (Apologies to anyone of Japanese descent, or anyone that likes Japanese cuisine. I really like Japanese food, and so do Atticus and his great times- well, about 250 times grandson, Haru. This just means that this ____ N00B ******* hates it! And something very bad will soon happen...) ''

'' "Oh ____! this will not end well! You've insulted Chef Blitzcraig! This will not end well! Pasta la vista, baby!" exclaimed Haru. ''

'' "You insulted.... My Cooking! _____! My cooking level is 100! This is unforgivable! Die, swine!" screamed chef Blitzcraig. "Fire Strike!” he lit the fuses on his armor, and pressed the badge and yelled... ''

	'“Blitzcraig kamikaze'nuclear war!”

''	The explosion was tremendous. People mining the rune essence in the far north were able to see it. ''

''	“OW.” the Dark Rev muttered. ''

''	“Do I have do this all over again?!” yelled Haru, clearly annoyed. “super Tokugi: Majide Barrage!!! And then humongous Japanese characters for the word “Majide” appeared, rushing toward the Dark Rev from behind. An interesting sidenote is that the catchphrase of Haru means “Are You Serious?” in Japanese. The characters slammed into the Dark Rev, giving it awful internal injuries, not to mention enormous collateral damage. One n00b, a level 20 named Delrith was somehow knocked into the abyss by the crushing colossal characters, and mutated into a hideous level 27 demon, killed almost daily during the Demon Slayer quest, where players get to use the seemingly lame sword Silverlight to pulverize him. ''

''	“That's how Delrith was formed?! Are you serious?!” yelled Haru. ''

''	I don't know. Are you serious? ''

	”Say, who are you?” 

''I’m the author. I write the story. Would I put you in a fight you can’t win? ''

''	“You could if you wanted to!” Haru replied. ''

''	 Good point. But I am a mildly compassionate author. ''

''	“Yeah, but also a bad one! You know, there's weird writing, and then there's WEIRD writing!” ''

''	Oookay.... but just as a warning, its about to get weirder. ''

	“You know, lets just go on with the story!” 

''	Awright, then! ''

'' “Impressive,” the dark rev grinned, or what passed for grinning. “But can you handle your worst nightmare?” it immediately warped and shifted, to become... ''

''	A clown? MAJIDE?! ''

''	“Yes, this is your worst fear, isn't it? You read Stephen King a bit too late at night, when daddy told you not to!” ''

'' Unfortunately, the Dark Rev had overlooked one basic fact of Haru. He didn't realize how Haru dealt with his fears. He faced them at 85mph, usually with a large battleaxe guaranteed to disintegrate armor. ''

''	“GABAPABITCH!” Haru yelled, tomahawking the Dark Rev. Needless to say, it hurt a lot. ''

	(this is, quite possibly, the sickest attack in the story) 

''	“The Judgement of Uranus!” Diana yelled. Suddenly the Dark rev and her were transported into space. ''

''	“hey, I can only see a large black block!” it yelled. ''

''	Then.... ''

	PFFFFWOOOOAAAAARRRTT 

''	A large cloud of yellow gas shot out of the block. ''

''	“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!“ it yelled. “I'M GOING TO SUFFOCATE!” ''

''	By now, you should probably have put two and two together. ''

'' “And now for a typical meteor shower accident!” Zelda yelled. Humongous meteors flew down from the sky, smashing into the Dark Revenant. ''

''	 “GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” it yelled again. ''

'' “Our penultimate attack!” Alan yelled. “Dragon Twister!” his nosehair began to stretch out, along with his eyelashes and eyebrows, and armpit hair. ''

''	“This is disgusting!” the Dark Rev complained. ''

''	Then the hair turned into dragons! As your hair often will do, if you don't take care of it! ''

''	“WHAAAAT?!” the Dark Rev yelled. ''

''	Next it flew up into the sky, where it woke up the other dragons! ''

''	“This is going to get hairy!” Sakura observed. ''

''	“ATTACK!” Haru yelled. ''

''	And then the dragons barbecued the Twilight Guild! ''

'' “Can't anybody have a decent attack?”the Dark Rev moaned. “They're destroyed! Ah well, I best get back to creating eternal torment!” ''

'' “Or are we destroyed? We aren't, right?” Haru asked. He seemed to be engulfed in flame, along with the rest of the Twilight guild. ''

''	“No!” replied Alan. “ah well, then. Super fist of the burn-burn!” ''

''	All the fire around them was channeled into an enormous ball, and then... ''

	“You know, we've decided to spare ''you.” Sakura said. ''

	“Really?” 

	“Really.” 

''	Then the humongous fireball shot toward the Dark Rev, incinerating it. ''

	(You don't get the joke? Spare him? The ball knocked into him, knocking him over like a bowling pin hit by a ball?) 

	Chapter 28: Haru/Taiki's Clan 

''BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP-BOO-BOP-BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP. That was the sound of an incoming call on Daniel's GameCom. He had a hard time answering it for several reasons, although it was the first place finisher for the annual Annoying Ringtone contest. One, because he was wearing a radiation suit. Second, his hands were full with his gun. Third, it was doubtful there was good reception in Pripyat, Ukraine (or was it Russia? It was probably Russia. In fact, I'll keep it labeled as Russian.). ''

'' I think I should backtrack a little. Why was Daniel not in his home, in the rural countryside of Germany? Why was he wearing a radiation suit? Why did he have a gun, and why wasn't there good reception? ''

'' Answers: Daniel, whose RS account was Acidwire, was a competitor from Team Germany in the 08 Gaming Olympics, which were taking place in Russia, which tended to take them to abandoned cities, where they would play games like this one. He had a gun (2 actually, one was reminiscent of a Colt.45 magnum with two barrels, the other a Colt.45 revolver with two barrels) because he was in the Laser Tag part of the game. The guns, however did not shoot bullets, they shot lasers into the bolt-holes (weak spots) on the other team's armor. And finally, to explain the most crucial detail: why was he wearing a radiation suit? ''

''	He was wearing one because he was in the semi-modern completely abandoned city of Pripyat, Russia. It was abandoned because... ''

'' I don't quite know why it was abandoned. It may have had something to do with the collapse of the Soviet Union, or it could be the nuclear fallout. Daniel had been one of the few people to loot it without suffering a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. ''

''	He answered the phone.  he said. ''

''	 the voice on the end replied. ''

	 

	 

	 

''	 ''

	 

''	 Taiki described the gateway, and how a Greater Demon stepped out. ''

	 

''	 ''

	Somewhere else in Russia...

''By now, I should describe an odd coincidence of the Twilight Guild. They have, quite strangely, all met in person. Not directly, of course. Taiki and Tairin are the only ones that have met each member in person. For example, Taiki and Tairin were on one of their yearly 1-month visits to Japan, and Taiki was taking a short internshp as a character designer for multiple manga artists. Taiki, it has to be said was a darned good one. He did need some help sometimes, and there was this girl, Sakura, who also was a character designer. Anyway, Sakura had done a lot of favors for him, so Taiki had to repay her. He ended up having to do cosplay with her, Tairin accompanying them. As one would guess, Sakura was character designer for a shojo manga, one with frilly costumes and... ''

'' Well, after that Taiki was “A bit mad” (Ha!) but he forgave Sakura, as he was a very forgiving person. She became his girlfriend, and somehow ended up getting a runescape account, Senbonzakura. ''

'' Sakura saw another member, Millefeuille, (although because Millefeuille is “A bit of a mouthful” they just call her Millie) at a ballet in France, and they said she was very good. Then, a bit later, on RS, she described the meeting on Clan Chat, making Sakura, and Haru, as he somehow was there at the same time, have to get surgery to put their jaws back to normal. ''

'' Taiki and Tairin met Aleksei, Alexa, and Daniel in the Milan, Italy, airport during the mother of all airport delays. They had all brought a laptop, and they were rather shocked to discover that two of that group were the two most ruthless and destructive Pkers, later to become the most angered rioters over the Dec. 10 updates. ''

'' And of course, Taiki, Tairin, Tengu and Millie, ended up meeting another clan member, Samuel Warchowski, whose account was Acidwire, a Skiller with a hefty combat level who could be described only as an entrepreneur. They met him under Warren Street, NYC, when someone was giving a tour of underground New York City. Sam lived in an abandoned pneumatic subway station with his family. ''

'' Taiki, Tengu, and Tairin had also met, as I mentioned before, other clan members who lived in New Orleans. First, they had met the oldest members of the clan, Tom Gautier, 17, and his older brother, Sam, 25 (they were part of quality assurance, which they occasionally asked Taiki to help them with, he was an amateur programmer, and they really liked the game) who had rescued numerous people during Hurricane Katrina, patrolling the streets in their boat, armed with lots of medicine and hypodermic needles, 8 tranquilizer guns, 5 digital cameras, and a doberman. ''

''	I could go on, but that would turn my brain into flaming nosehair. ''

'' BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP-BOO-BOP-BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP. Aleksei, and his sister Alexa's GameComs rang. Aleksei sighed. He opened it up, putting down the pastry he was eating.  he greeted Taiki in Russian. ''

''	 ''

	 

''  ''

	<So, do we go through the portal?> 

''	<No. It exploded. But there is another gateway in Hockomock swamp. Its 30 minutes from Boston, Massachusetts.> ''

Chapter 29: Sakura 

'' BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP-BOO-BOP-BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP. Sakura's GameCom rang. <Hello> she greeted Taiki in Japanese. She was giggling. ''

''	<Hi, Sakura. Whats so funny?> Taiki greeted her. ''

''	<Just reminiscing how funny you look in sailor fukun. And dressed up as a fairy, and Mew Ichi-> ''

''	<Please don't remind me. Why did you have to do the fairy thing, anyway?> ''

''	<I don't quite remember. But it is a funny memory> ''

	<You're very lucky I can laugh at my own horrifying mistakes> 

	<So, why did you call me from halfway around the world?> 

'' <It's a big problem. A lesser demon suddenly appeared in my father's lab and kidnapped him, the lesser demon saying he wanted Dad to create a portal to Runescape so that Zamorak could subjugate us. And before you ask, yes, I am serious.> ''

	<MAJIDE?!> 

''	<Majide.> Taiki confirmed. ''

	<So, you need me to help you.> 

	<Yes.> 

	<Should I bring my flashbang gun, and maybe a switchblade?> 

	<Double yes.> 

	<Where's the place we should go?> 

	<Hockomock swamp, 30 minutes from Boston> 

	<I can't suddenly fly to the U.S!> 

''	<Sakura, Millie is rich. She could fly us there.> ''

''	<Okay. Over and out> ''

''	Chapter 30:Aftermath, I hate Algebra! ''

'' The NPC's came out, and Haru explained the deception, and then, everybody in the Twilight guild went back to their World 2 home. ''

''	But.... ''

'' Perhaps Sakura stated it best. “What now? We've destroyed the R-saviors, participated in a massacre, but... seriously, what now?” ''

''	Perhaps the guy walking toward them, who was wearing Full dark Mystic, and an arm that iscovered in runite can explain. ''

''	“What the fudge?” Alan asked. ''

'' “Hello Haru! I've been reading those ancient documents you gave me during those cutaways, and I've made a shocking discovery!” the man exclaimed. “It appears that you inherited a large, palatial manor from you great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-well, great-times about 54 grandfather. Apparently, he had some kind of a sixth sense, much like yours, and in his will he said that his enchanting manor would be given to 'an axeman named Haru'. Also, it turns out your ship, the Epimetheus, is your birthright!” ''

''	“I am wondering something about that. If I own the Epimetheus, who owns the Prometheus? But, other than that, what's in the mansion?” ''

'' “I couldn't possibly guess. It was built in the third or second age. But I can tell you that he liked ballet and had a strange obsession with Alice in Wonderland, and brought all kinds of strange things back from his frequent travels. Strange little things that raced around on what looked like miniature minecar tracks, many with a large cylindrical thing at the front. Odd books... he was famous for them.” ''

''	“WHOA! It's that old?” ''

'' “But there is a rumor of an advanced mode of transportation hidden on an island in the area of sea that the house is in. Your house might just be it!” ''

	“Could it lead to the Below-world?” 

'' “Possibly. The thing could go anywhere! Keldagrim, Zanaris, Dorgeshuun caves, somewhere under the sea! There might be thousands of artifacts hidden in the station!” ''

	“Well,” Sakura piped up, “guess we're looking at some real estate!” 

	Chapter 31: Things get weirder 

'' BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP-BOO-BOP-BOO-BOP-BUH-BEEP. Finally, Millie's GameCom started ringing. Thankfully, at the French villa where she lived with her parents, and her cat, they had good reception. Thankfully, for a GameCom to work, you only needed an Internet connection. <Hello> she greeted Tengu, giggling. ''

	<Hello> he replied.<So what's so funny?> 

'' <Sakura sent me some photos of when she tricked Taiki into doing cosplay with her. Its so funny. So, why have you called me from around the world?> ''

'' <Well, I need an F2F in Bridgewater with the rest of the clan. Could you fly them up without your parents having any trouble?> ''

''	<Yeah. They're on one of their long, winded trips to somewhere.> ''

	<So, we are A-okay?> 

	<A-Okay> 

	Route 5, NH...

'' 3 somewhat ominous blue hybrid motorcycles, all completely silent, raced down Route 5 New Hampshire at about 65 mph, on a completely reckless5-hour trip. This was Taiki, Tairin, and Tengu, cycling like mad. Tengu was busy talking to Millie, while Tairin was calling Samuel, telling him to bring his urban weaponry. ''

'' When they had finished their calls, Tairin began to wonder if it was a good idea to go cycling through a dimensional soft spot like this. Her fears were realized when Taiki suddenly shot up unnaturally high when he drove over a pothole, shot up into the air, and then there was a strange hollow clanging noise, a bit like a somewhat ominous blue hybrid motorcycle smashing into a UFO. Later, it turned out Taiki had done just that. Tengu claimed to have seen a skeleton driving the rundown truck they past, and Tairin thought she saw a large, inviting looking donut shop, one that seemed to shimmer. When they got to Brattleboro, they were exhausted. But they pushed on, driving like mad. They raced along small, forgotten roads, encountering something weird twice every hour. What can I say? It's New England. ''

'' Finally, they came to Boston. Everybody yelled in joy, thrusting their fists into the air, tossing hot chocolates and cookies to each other. Were they cycling safely? ''

	Heck no. 

'' They were weaving through some of the traffic on the enormous yet somewhat overused city bridge that led to the Big Dig, but after a police car came, they slowed down. That is, they slowed down to a reasonable speed, until Taiki jumped off of what was probably once the entrance or exit of a destroyed overpass, landing on another part of the overpass they were on. From then on, the sanity regained itself, until they got to Seekonk. There, they drove down a mysterious 5-mile stretch to Rehoboth, at which they would meet their friends. ''

	Later...

Taiki sat in a coffeehouse with Internet access somewhere in Rehoboth, sipping hot chocolate after hot chocolate, and eating a blueberry muffin.Good hot chocolate, he thought.But it doesn't measure up to Walpole.

''He, Tairin, and Tengu were on their laptops, playing Fist of Guthix, Runescape's new PvP game. Taiki was using his Main, Haru Axeman, whose choice of weapon was, obviously, a battleaxe. Normally, he hated what he dubbed “Wildy Subs” but in the case of Fist of Guthix... two thumbs up. Fist of Guthix was a lot like the Bounty Hunter PvP game, except it had cooler prizes. Currently, in cooperation with his siblings, Taiki was developing a video of a PvP game that they planned to send to Jagex. Here's a brief overview, with a list of the objectives: ''

''	Objective 1: be the last player standing. (Max. 4 players in arena) ''

''	Objective 2: don't get hit by the giant ugly demon thing. ''

'' Main Objective/overview: 1. Go in arena. 2. take off weapon, as you start in the game with a Dueling Saber/bow/runes/staff/summoning stuff. Note the manacled (it's 28 tentacles are all manacled) Hp-sucking demon on the north edge of the arena, and the 28 fragile domes with the four combat symbols hovering over them. Smash a dome with a melee symbol, you get a melee weapon, which ranges from about 4 kinds of whip to 4 kinds of dagger. Smash a dome with the ranged symbol... oh come on, you can probably get this. However, smashing the domes smashes one of the manacles, which releases Evil Gas from the floor, and allows the demon to paralyze you for 3 seconds with its tentacle, while it inflicts up to 10 damage. ''

''	“Why are you mentioning this?!” Tengu yelled. ''

''	Oh, just killing time while we wait for your friends to get here. Besides, I had to write it down somewhere. ''

''	"Yeah, I get bored easily." ''

	VRAAAAAAAWOOOOM 

''	Tairin, Taiki, and Tengu groaned, and walked out the door. ''

'' “Awright, get off my bike!” Taiki yelled. 3 kids were fooling around on Taiki, Tairin and Tengu's motorcycles, doing donuts and stuff like that. ''

''	“Make me,” one sneered. “you couldn't possibly own something this cool.” ''

''	“Very well then,” Taiki said, looking pretty angry. ''

''	The three kids rushed toward Taiki. He sidestepped one, then clotheslined the other two. It hurt a lot. ''

''	“Any questions?” he asked. There wasn't a a mark on his arms. Tengu had already gotten the third kid off of the motorcycle. ''

''	Then 4 more bikes pulled up. One of the riders pulled up, and took her helmet off. “So Tai, you ready?” she asked. ''

''	“Ready as always, Sakura!” Taiki replied. ''

''	They all got on their bikes, and drove like mad, looking for a road into the swamp. ''

Chapter 32: Haru sells his apartment 

	(At the date of this publication, Haru is level 56, and Bojiggler9/Samuel is level 7) 

'' I admit, it is the lamest chapter title in the history of lame chapter titles. But it is the truth. Previously, Haru had been paying rent for an apartment in Lumbridge Castle, which was a bit of a pain, considering the daily ritual of shouting “GO AWAY!” at N00bs who had come to his door to beg, the lack of heating, the fact that he often fell through the poorly constructed floor, often crushing some poor n00b, but Haru did have an appreciation of small, somewhat compact one-person living spaces. This was very odd because he had mild claustrophobia. ''

'' He was both glad and annoyed that his apartment was gone, or at least he was annoyed who he sold it to. He had sold it to some crime boss who would no doubt fall through the floor 12 seconds after he got in, and smash through the kitchen floor, ironically atomizing some of his legion of Autoers. ''

''	Haru walked into the kitchen. He grinned at the cook. ''

''	“'Ello, 'Aru! So, it true tat' your leavin?” (the cook had an inability to pronounce the letter H.) the cook asked. ''

''	“It is. My great times 54 grandfather left me a humongous manor, one almost as big as Varrock Palace!” ''

	“W'ose t' person staying in t'at closet?” 

 “Some crime boss who will no doubt fall through the floor 12 seconds after he gets in, and smash through the kitchen floor, ironically atomizing some of his legion of Autoers.” 

	“Seriously?” 

'' Then a bunch of autoers walked in. Autoers, for those players who don't know, are mute, mindless creatures that can be summoned at will by a special program that makes bots come out like square bullets from a Puckle gun. (A puckle gun is a machine gun. Yes, one will appear very soon) Not many know where they came from, but they all wish they had stayed there. ''

	“3... 2... 1....” 

''	A guy fell through the ceiling, atomizing some Autoers. ''

	“Any questions?” 

	later....

''“So, that ship's really yours, Haru?” Diana asked. ''

	“Yes, albeit its also Kyushi's.” 

	“What are those big trumpet things on the back?” 

	“Wish I knew.” 

''	“What's it made of?” Sakura asked. ''

	“Airwood and oak.” 

''	“Airwood? You mean that really rare wood that gnomecopters and gnome gliders use?” ''

	“Yes.” 

	“And how much of the ship is airwood?” 

	“80%. Just enough to make it fly.” 

''	“But... it's so big!” ''

''	Diana and Sakura were right. The Epimetheus was big. It was 3 times bigger than any ship in port Sarim, it was painted dark blue, with red sails. Dwarven multicannons with square barrels sat along the side of the ship. ''

	“So, do you know where we're going?” 

	“Somewhere in the Lunar Sea.” 

''	“Okay... so, could we take a look on the ship?” ''

	“Sure.” 

''	The Twilight Guild took a look around the ship. Oddly, it seemed bigger on the inside than the outside. A bit like the Tardis in Doctor Who. The ship had a library, a small hospital, a captain's cabin with two beds, 8 other cabins, an enormous pantry, a map room, large dining room, drawing-room, and a big kitchen. It also had a lot of pipes, and an enormous machine in the stern that all the pipes seemed to go to. ''

''	Everybody was a bit dizzy once they finished exploring. ''

''	“Well,” Xanthe said. “off to the Lunar Sea!” ''

	After 1 dang boring week...

	“''Really big manor ahoy!” Alan cried. (yes, he was on the voyage too. I have trouble keeping track of the many characters I create.) It was true. There was a large granite 6-level house taking up all of the space on a small island. The house was comparable to Cursed You's lost house. Urban explorers, Haru included, were still looking for a way to break into it. ''

''	On that note, they sailed to the house, where they would find a strange surprise. ''

'' Once they got there, Haru and Sakura immediately started to chisel out a cave to dock the boat in. Kyushi, Xanthe, and Diana started blasting out some steps. Then they walked into the house. Everything was covered in dust. ''

'' “Well, this is disappointing,” Haru muttered, and, with a dismissive flick of his hand, sent all the dust and sheets covering every ounce of the house flying out of the house. What they saw was amazing! ''

'' The colors of the house were mainly red, blue, and gold, the hallways looked like large chessboards, with Saradomin stars on the carpets, and all of the wood on the furniture was oak. There was a huge fireplace. If you have seen the mysterious old man's house, only much grander, and about 85 times bigger, you might have a picture of it in your mind. Haru and Sakura immediately raced for the top floor to claim their bedrooms... ''

'' Anyway, after much stuff I feel no need to talk about, (although they found some fun, mostly feminine costumes, which Sakura managed to trick Haru into wearing once or twice) Samuel fell through the wall. ''

''	No, seriously. He pushed on the wall, and it disintegrated, leaving a dark passage through. ''

''	“Well, I guess we're going through that wall,” Sakura observed. They walked into the tunnel, holding lanterns. ''

'' The tunnel was surprisingly short, at least 145 feet long. When they got out, they saw something that nobody could possibly consider belonging in Runescape. ''

'' It was a train. They couldn't explain how they knew it, they just did. Haru commented on how it reminded him of a project the dwarves and gnomes were collaborating on, one that could change transportation in Runescape forever. ''

'' But this looked nothing like the steam locomotives we are familiar with here on Earth. It rested in a long trench with one rail in the center, and two on the side, was almost twice as big, with one set of wheels on the rail in the center, the other two sets of wheels resting on the rails on the side of the trench. But the most noteworthy things were: 1), it was almost covered in valves, pipes, and all other steam-related apparatus, and had 5 pistons for the wheels. But oddly enough, on the tender there were three large chutes, each with the emblem of a water rune, an earth rune, and a steam rune emblazoned on it. ''

''	“What is this place?” Alan asked. ''

	'Is this relevant to the plot? Will I stop writing this? Have I been reading too much Bobobo Bo Bo BoBoBo? Ah well, I think I'll just make a cutaway to allow myself a break from the main story.'

Chapter 33: Yet Another Cutaway?!

(no, I am not a pervert. The fact that a lot of the girls in my story practice ballet is not a stereotype, only a temporal paradox) 

''It was the 8th age of Gielinor. (this is a parallel universe, folks!) The 5th age had ended in a bloody war after 313 years. The whole balance of the Combat Triangle had fallen to pieces. Mages against Rangers, Rangers against Warriors, Warriors against Mages. The fact of the matter is, they destroyed each other, dragging the rest of humanity with it, ending the 5th age. Here's a semi-brief timeline: ''

5th age, 288 years: Combat Triangle Wars.

'5th age, 313 years: Combat Triangle Wars end. All humanity is gone, except for a few pockets that decided to live with the Mystic Beings, (Fairies, Werewolves, anything else beginning with were, Dragons, Mermaids, Serpents, Manticore, Dwarf, Gnome, Elf, all other legendary beings you hear of.) and eventually become Mystic beings, although not quite...'

'6th age, 1 years: Gielinor becomes hopelessly overgrown. With no other species on Earth, some plants develop conscious thought.'

6th age, 156 years: Summoning Familiars leak out into the world.

'6th age, 600 years: due to an especially rowdy party in Zanaris, complete with excessive drinking, several human-turned Mystics from all orders of Mystic barf up the essence of their human sides, which quickly regenerate. The essences that were barfed up quickly turn into humans.'

'6th age, 787 years: Arbor wars. All weapons disintegrate at the end of the battle.'

6th age, 999 years, last day before 1000th year: peace reestablished, after many years of barbarianism.

'7th age, 1 years: (1000th year of 6th age) Golden age begins. Many skills involving making things resurface.'

7th age, 50 years: Spirit Summoning, the art of summoning a familiar with your exact magic energy print, is discovered.

'8th age, 1 years: The Day Everything Fell Apart. I'll tell you what that was later.'

8th age, 101 years: Story starts.

'' So, you read the timeline. Brief summary of it? In the 5th age, all types of combat turn against each other and destroy the world. Many millenia later, the combat triangle is an unknown idea, and everybody was living peacefully, until The Day That Everything Fell Apart. ''

'' What exactly was it? Well, it was a period of overzealous archeology. It started when a young, enterprising young man, who was being trained in archeology, who went by the name of Alberius, found an urn with Saradomnist markings on a plot of land near an incredibly barren wasteland. ''

'' You see, the Mystic beings remembered the cities where they had once lived, but not where the cities were. So archaeologists dug randomly, rarely finding anything worth anything. Alberius thought this was just a random find that wouldn't lead to anything, until he found a coin in the wall of his pit. He dug where it was, farther and farther, until he realized he was standing on a cobblestone street. Archaeologists flocked to the site, finding more and more, eventually rediscovering The Digsite. ''

'' Then this archeology mania went to a whole new level of madness when Alberius's son, who called himself Master Z, was digging a tunnel, and he broke into a 5th age building. He quickly discovered that it was a swordshop. ''

'' Of course, he hadn't known what a sword was. He thought he had just discovered a huge knife. And, at that exact moment, his friends Doktor S and Doktor G had dug into the rune shop and the ranging shop. ''

'' Archaeologists puzzled over these strange finds, having quite a time with the runes. They soon discovered that when you pushed a mind rune and an air rune together a gust of wind would come out. Quickly they began to try other combinations, some of which worked, some of which didn't. Then warriors began to reappear, then rangers, and then... ''

'' Well, you get the idea. Runescape settled into the state it had been in the 5th age, albeit it was much more civilized. Beings of all kinds walked through New Varrock, the rapidly growing city that spread onto the site of the archaeological dig. It was all okay, with the occasional war. So, what's this like? Lets dip into the adventures of a girl and her brother and sister, which will soon get very interesting... ''

'' Alice, who was six feet tall at age 14, had silky black-tipped white hair, red eyes, big muscles, a bigger heart, and was very smart,(At least, she didn't think she applied herself. Also, she still looked very, very cute, even after what I described.) she studied biology, chemistry, metallurgy, fencing, kendo, acting, and was a girl from the Alberian Clan, a noble family that governed most of New Varrock. She lived in luxury, but she enjoyed everyday life. She worked most of the time as a dancer, the remainder of her time mostly going Slaying in dangerous dungeons in beautiful, feminine armor, and knew all 3 aboveground levels of New Varrock by heart. It was a fairly fun and easy life. ''

''	Anyway, she had just gotten home... ''

'' Alice, as I mentioned, was walking home wearing a dress not unlike the one her namesake, Alice (from Alice in wonderland) wore (indeed, she had just come back from a rehearsal of a ballet version of “Alice in Wonderland”), with a couple of balletic movements in there once in a while, whistling a seemingly tuneless melody. She was carrying a large pack, which wasn't a good idea in the region of New Varrock where she was... ''

'' You see, she was in the Tenements, a region of New Varrock known for being “the wickedest place in the northern hemisphere.”. Gambling, extreme crime, shady business, and things that were quite common 100 years ago, which I feel compelled not to print. Look it up sometime, but don't hold me responsible for curiosity. Ever heard the expression “curiosity killed the cat (or in this case, fox, as all of the main characters of this story are)”? ''

'' Alice was aware of the fact that she was being watched, surveyed by the tiny mind of a Thief. But she knew it wouldn't be a problem. ''

''	Even when the guy, and 5 of his peeps, jumped her, each of them carrying swords. ''

'' Unfortunately, the Thieves were unaware of Alice's tendency to carry weapons, particularly her “Fox-Hook” sword, also known simply as a Thrower. This kind of weapon was only used by the Alberian Clan. ''

''	It was known as a Thrower because of a little maneuver that the Alberian Clan was famous for. Watch... ''

'' Less than a second after the Thieves jumped, Alice swung her sword around her, twisting it this way and that, throwing the Thieves's swords at the wall. ''

''	Do you get it? Throwers, like their companions, Tiger-Hook swords, are well-known for throwing straight swords. ''

'' Anyway, Alice had managed to cut them not in a killing way, but one that would leave them immobile for a week. She walked through the streets whistling that tuneless melody, skirts rustling, making balletic movements once in a while, until she got to the house. ''

''	“Hello?” she called, her voice echoing through the manor. ''

''	“Yes?” a voice asked behind her. ''

''	“Kairin!” Alice cried, hugging her. “I haven't seen you for months!” ''

'' Kairin, Alice's twin sister, was standing behind her, wearing a pink dress not unlike Alice's. Kairin was not entirely Alice's twin in the conventional sense, for 2 reasons: 1), while Alice had black-tipped white hair, Kairin had white-tipped black hair, 2), she had, like all members of the Alberian Clan, some kind of mental oddity, but she covered it up in a way better than any member of the Alberian Clan ever had. ''

'' “I just got back from the Kandarin Ballet Company,” she replied, swishing her skirts. “They just gave me some vacation time, and gave me this dress!” ''

'' “That's great!” Alice cried, hugging her. “Oh, and I think we're alone in the house. That leaves us plenty of time to goof off!” ''

''	They walked through the heavy oak door, taking in the luxurious surroundings. ''

	After stuff much too ordinary to write about...

	T''he girls walked over to their shared bedroom, which all red and gold. “Guess what!” Alice asked her sister. “We finally have our own costume room!” (they both had a serious weakness for costumes.) ''

''	“What's in the bag?” Kairin asked. ''

	“Just the other costumes I'll wear for the Alice in Wonderland ballet this year.” 

''	“But... there are 2 in there, Allie!” ''

'' “I know,” Alice replied, pulling out the green flower costume in it, the Cheshire Cat costume, which was still purple and red, but had a small skirt on it. ''

''	“You will look cute in both of those,” Kairin observed. “But you're also dressed up as Alice.” ''

	“I'm doing that too!” 

''	“I hope you have a good memory!” Kairin gaped. “3 parts!” ''

''	“You know, there is also a part for a card, Kairin. You could do that, or be caterpillar.” ''

''	“I'd like both of those, especially being a caterpillar. It's so cute! Oh, and I'm getting that urge...” ''

''	“Me too! I'm still wondering what causes it!” ''

	That urge'' was Kairin and Alice's name for the fact that on completely irregular and unpredictable times, they would have a strange desire. They would want to dress up like fairies, and in some of the frilliest costumes they could find, and then practice ballet in them. Stranger still, they might, at random times out of these random times, they'd feel as if the costumes they put on would have to have something to do with foxes. (and yes, that was relevant to the plot) ''

'' So, they walked into the costume room, looking for stuff that seemed as if it would satisfy the urge. Once they had finished putting on the tutus, tiaras, and fairy wings, (that's all the description of it I feel like giving. Imagine what it looks like yourself) they decided to dance about. ''

'' Then something strange happened. A book on a shelf began to shake for no observable reason. Then a strong wind flew by, blowing it open, the pages glowing blue. This continued for 10 minutes or so, until a guy tumbled out. A guy who was six feet tall at age 14, wearing a large blue overcoat with much armor, who had black-tipped white hair, red eyes, disturbing scars, and big muscles tumbled out of the book, and swore; “Oh (insert a swearword of your choice here), this isn't where Haru is!” ''

'' But then he regained his composure, but looked at the surprised ballerinas, and observed: “I'm pretty sure I'm not in Zanaris. You do look cute, though. A lot like how Haru and Kyushi would as girls. Weird.” ''

''	“Who are you and how did you fall through a book?” Alice demanded. ''

'' “I fell through that book because of a faulty teleport spell. You see, I was traveling to Varrock to meet my friends, when I messed up, appeared in the Abyss, with this tall old man who suddenly smacked me on the head, and told me that I had more pressing matters. I have no idea what he meant. ''

''	“That answers one of our questions. But who are you?” Kairin asked. ''

''	“I still have many questions too. But, to answer your question, my name is... ''

''Chapter 34: It's Chuga Chuga time! ''

''	“How could this thing be here?!” Haru gasped, pointing to the enormous locomotive. ''

''	“Dude, none of us know!” Kyushi replied. “But I have a hunch on how to work it.” ''

''	“What?” Sakura asked, with genuine interest. ''

	“Do you have some steam runes, water runes, and fire runes?” 

''	“Sure!” she replied, dropping 10 of each into his hand. ''

'' Kyushi put them in the chutes. The huge locomotive immediately started puffing, shaking and rattling. “I knew it would work!” he exclaimed, flashing a rare smile. “Quite fascinating really... A train powered by runes! Now, there's one thing to do... can everybody follow me into the cabin?” ''

''	They all did. “Let's see, I've completed Elemental workshop... I could do this,” Alan suggested. ''

'' The rest of the Twilight Guild agreed, then watched, fascinated, as Alan pushed and pulled this lever and that, and operated most of the stuff, and operated this and that, until the train lurched forward. It began to move, slowly but surely... ''

'' Everybody did a job Alan could not do alone, and kept the gargantuan train going, a surprisingly silent jumble of pistons of pipes steaming straight through the tunnel. ''

'Meanwhile, in Keldagrim...'

''In collaboration with the gnomes, as I mentioned before, the dwarves were making a locomotive. one dwarf, named Quentin asked his supervisor this: “Why did we put the loco' right here?” ''

	“I dunno, son.” 

	“Why does this chamber have unusually wide ancient mining tracks?” 

	“I dunno, son.” 

	“What's that rumbling noise?” 

	“I dunno, son.” 

	“What's-” 

	“Do you stop asking questions?” 

	“I dunno, dad.” 

''	Then... ''

	CRAAAAAAASHHH 

'' An enormous train, one extremely similar to the one that they were building smashed through the wall, destroying lots of construction equipment. Finally, it came to a stop. ''

''	“All right, what was that?” a dwarf yelled. ''

''	“A train smashing through a wall!” Haru cried, flinging himself out of a window. ''

''	“This is eerily similar to the thing we built!” the dwarf shouted back. ''

''	“I know!” Sakura replied. ''

''	“Where'd you find it?” the dwarf asked. ''

''	“It was under my house.” Haru replied. ''

''	“Weird,” the dwarf replied. “What were the coordinates?” ''

''	Haru told him. (what, I don't know what they were!) ''

	“I think that that line runs to what was once the ancient dwarf city of Dalregard!” 

''	“Where is it?” Haru asked, genuinely interested. ''

	“Deep, deep under Lumbridge.” 

	“How deep?” 

	“At least 5 miles below Dorgesh-Kaan!” 

	“Great Gods!” 

'' “I think you may want to explore that city! Especially since it was recently discovered, and the Adventurers looking for Zanaris just found out about it!” ''

''	Haru grinned. “Those idiots?” ''

''	“That's them,” the dwarf confirmed. ''

''	“Well then, let's get to it! It's CHUGA CHUGA time now!” ''

''	“Wait, Haru! I don't think you can come on this,” Diana said. ''

	“Why not?” 

''	“There is an old lady, Launa, who needs help desperately. She is standing by The Rift, near the Digsite.” ''

	“What is wrong?” 

''	“I couldn't possibly guess. Till we meet again!” ''

'' Haru, however, still a bit miffed by not being able to exercise his fascination with machines with that many moving parts, decided to check out this Launa... but he would need rope. He knew a merchant who spent time at the Grand Exchange, and sold those kinds of odds and ends. ''

'' I would like to say Haru fought his way through monster after monster, going through mile after mile, and braving the harsh skies in a Gnome Glider while fighting off enormous aerial creatures, on an overly epic journey. ''

'' But in truth he just teleported from Keldagrim to Falador, then walked through the dwarven mines, destroying scorpions and taking away their stingers to sell in the Grand Exchange, then went into Edgeville Dungeon, killed a couple hill giants, squeezed through the obstacle pipe, killed a Moss Giant or two, took some Deadly Red Spider eggs, and walked back to the surface. ''

'' He then asked the apothecary to brew the ingredients into a strength potion, then asked for an Anti-Poison and walked, step by step, to the Rift. Just as Diana had said, Launa was there, with a forlorn look. ''

''	“Why the heck did you put me up to this? Why couldn't you just send me to investigate the school of Itchcraft and Itchery?” ''

''	Because I like this quest. And besides, I like annoying our loyal readers. ''

	“We don't have loyal readers you nincompoop!” 

''	We don't? Aw crap... ''

''	“Who are you talking to?” Launa asked. ''

''	“You do not want to know,” Haru replied. “So, what's wrong?” ''

''	“This Rift is what's wrong!” she replied. “My son, Tolna disappeared down that hole!” ''

	“How horrible!” 

''	“It gets worse! My husband is down there, looking for him!” ''

	“Quick-what do they look like?” 

	“I-I don't know.” 

	“You don't know what your husband and son look like?” 

	“It's been 25 years!” 

'' “Oh my Guthix! I'll get in there ASAP!” Haru then grabbed a peg, carved his trademark binding rune into it, tied a rope onto it, and stomped it into the ground. ''

'' He climbed down the rope, noticing strangeness. In his many years as an adventurer, he had seen much strangeness. For example, he was at the Easter Event 2008, when his operator had sneaked into the art room at his school during the town meeting. That was weird. He had a friend who he barely remembered who made a part-time home in Al-Kharid, whose last name was never meant to grace anybody's lips. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could pronounce it but him. Say it with me: “Xyxzl-yyxzrylcrysxylmyzxxycryslyxlrhyzphyllyx.” ''

'' That was weirder. He had seen all of the movies made out of Stephen King books. Those were weirder, and also scarier. But this was a whole new level of madness. ''

''	There is your average type of fear, the kind you feel when you forgot to study. All that people call fear beneath that... ''

	Not worthy of the title fear''. Anyway, continuing on from that is the fear of the chase. And when I say chase, I don't mean the game of tag, I mean being chased by a bloody lunatic wearing a hockey mask, one who is holding a chainsaw. ''

'' There is the fear of the dark, which is surprisingly far up. Next comes the most terrible of all, the terror of death. The stuff you read about in scary stories by Stephen King. ''

''	And after that, there is fear so deep, so incredibly horrifying, so evil, that it defies all perception. ''

''	Guess which one Haru was feeling? ''

''	The last one that I mentioned. ''

''	Anyways.... ''

''	Right away, Haru knew that something was wrong. Absolutely, undeniably wrong. Or maybe wrong isn't the right word. Evil would be good. Sickening? Also a good fit. Terrifying? Yes. Subtly disturbing? Yes. How about... ''

ANGRY!!!!

''	That also works. Believe it or not, Haru was feeling all of those. Especially angry. He couldn't explain it. ''

'' The dungeon was, as it turned out, subtly disturbing. Although there didn't seem to be anything subtle about it. Haru gasped when he saw the room. It was a deep, crimson red, flames all over the place, with particularly tall ones blocking the exit. ''

''	And then something seemed to reverberate from the dungeon itself. This is what it sounded like. ''

	(<<WHYSHOULDITOLNABETRAPPEDINSUCHAWRETCHEDPLACE>>) 	(<<AAAAAAAAAAAARGGHFEELMYANGER>>) (yes, it is like that on purpose) 

''Several things happened at once. A large weapons rack, filled with deep red weapons, (not dragon, mind you) which were a spear, a mace, a battleaxe, and that old classic, a sword. Guess which weapon Haru picked? ''

''	And monsters between level 40 and 50 suddenly appeared, with the descriptions all saying: “angry” in them. ''

'' “What in the name of Saradomin just happened?” a bewildered Haru wondered, taking the axe off of the wall, just because he thought it looked cool, and he wanted a souvenir. “Gods, I guess this is how Ben Hanscom, Richie Tozier, Stan Uris, Beverly Rogan, Mike Hanlon, and Eddie Kaspbrak felt when they were in the sewers, looking for IT. And a better question: why are there Stephen King novels in Runescape?” ''

'' Haru ran toward the nearest monster, battleaxe in hand, and smashed the axe into the nearest monster, an angry bear. It was zero after zero, as he tried to damage it. He soon tried his other battleaxe. No dice. He ran from monster to monster, until he attacked an angry unicorn, which he massacred. Suddenly, he felt inexplicably angry. He picked up the mace, and turned it on an angry goblin, destroying it. He turned the spear on the bear, and the sword on the angry rats. His anger suddenly increased, as he whirled through the rats, cleaving them. ''

	Later, when he was almost completely enraged.''.. ''

'' Haru's rage was almost completely filled. He had his hands full with an angry unicorn, and saw a black-haired man wearing full addy, carrying a humongous admantite longsword, slashing at an angry bear, but to no avail. ''

''	“Take from the weapons rack!” Haru yelled to him. ''

''	“Huh?” he asked. ''

'' “You heard me! Only the weapons from that rack can damage the monsters! Now take all of the weapons from it and destroy every monster!” ''

''	The man quickly did, his rage coming to the same level Haru's had. ''

''	“Thank you!” the man, quite obviously, thanked him. ''

''	“You're welcome,” Haru replied, brutally tomahawking the angry unicorn. Once ''

	(ragebuildingupragebuildingup)

	thentwice, fluidly moving to the side following up with a with a diagonal slash 

	(ragebuildingupragebuildingup)

	t''hen the third time, right over his head-then the floodgates opened, releasing a torrent of uncontrollable raw fury, directed at every monster in the room. ''

''	Both Haru and his newfound friend stared, dumbfounded, at the smoking craters where the anger creatures had once been. ''

''	“How did you do that?” the swordsman asked. ''

'' “I don't know, and may never in the rest of my life, not that I want to. But there is something truly mental about this dungeon.” ''

''	“No kidding... Whats your name, anyhow?” ''

''	“Axeman. Haru Axeman.” ''

''	“Wolfblade. Terrence Wolfblade. I'm a mercenary.” ''

	“I'm a part time mercenary myself, but mostly I'm an opportunist.” 

	“How so?” 

 “Well, I make my business destroying stuff, making things, doing the Slayer skill, brewing potions, smithing, mining essence and, in my spare time, runecrafting.” 

''	“You're quite the character. Say, I need some help rescuing Tolna... can you help me?” ''

	“You help me, I help you!” 

''	And so, a friendship was born. ''

''	“STOP THE CHEESY LINES, IDIOT!!!” they both yelled. ''

	'So there's chapter 34. Haru meets the famous mercenary, Terrence Wolfblade in what is arguably the strangest dungeon in all of Runescape, which may or may not be the last place Zaros resided...'

' Important event? Quite possibly. Will Zaros reappear? Possible. More Wolfblade/Axeman crossovers? Possible. Read on, dear reader, on Haru and Wolfblade's quest to rescue Tolna...'

'	But first an annoying cutaway! Hahahahhahahahahahhaha! Ha! And furthermore...'

	Hahahahahahahhahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahhahaha-hahahahahhahahahahaha!

'	HA! HA!'

Chapter 35: Possibly pointless 

''	“Atticus Xyxzlyyxzrylcrysxylmyzxxycryslyxlrhyzphyllyx,”the man finished. ''

'' Ooh, too bad, it wasn't Taiki I was talking about. I should also mention that the guy looked kind of like he was from Africa, and had black dreadlocks with small white tips, had a scimitar hanging at his waist, a spear on his back, and a shield that looked like a wooden mask on his left arm. ''

'' But if I did tell you, I wouldn't be able to take you for a ride the way I did! Hahahahahahaha! Oh right, Evil Laughs are so cliché. Why did I do that at the end of the last chapter, anyway? Gawd, I don't understand myself. Because I'm... ''

''	Oh for Pete's sake, I'll start the story! ''

''	“Just how do you pronounce that?” Alice asked. ''

	“I really don't know.” 

	“But you just said it!” 

	“Still don't know.” 

''	“My dear, we are in a story. How am I supposed to make sounds out of my mouth?” ''

'' “I really don't know,” said a guy, who looked like he was six feet tall at age 15, with black-tipped white hair, red eyes, and big muscles stepped out of another book. ''

''	“Who the heck are you?!” everybody yelled. ''

'' “Taiki. Taiki Ishimaru. You see, I was supposed to be the one to get out of the book, but Atticus beat me to it. Ah well, its for the sake of taking our readers for a ride.” ''

''	“Okay... weird bishonen characters that look like me popping out of books. Could this get weirder?” ''

''	“Actually, it can,” said another guy popping out of a book. ''

''	“GET OUT OF THE STORY, IDIOT!” Taiki and Atticus yelled. ''

	“But I...” 

''	“BUTT? DO YOU WANT ME TO KICK YOURS? WE HAVE ENOUGH ANNOYING CUTAWAYS!” ''

	“I'll be in this story, whether you want me to or not!” 

''	“GET OUT, IDIOT!!” Taiki and Atticus yelled, kicking him through a window. ''

''	“Well, that was weird. But who are you two?” ''

	“I'm Taiki Ishimaru, I'm an axeman, and I'm from Earth, a place not entirely unlike this place.” 

 “I'm Atticus Xyxzlyyxzrylcrysxylmyzxxycryslyxlrhyzphyllyx, I'm from the Skygrid, an enormous grid of floating cities and bridges, high, high up in the sky.” 

	“So, why did you come?” 

	“Well, there's the matter of something I have a hard time explaining.” 

	“Which would be...” 

	“We have to turn you into-” 

'' A girl who looked like she was an average height, with black-tipped white hair, and red eyes, who was wearing a princess dress, stepped into the room. ''

'' “GET OUT OF THE-oh wait, its Alice's sister,” yelled Taiki. (nearly.) “and why is everybody in this family obsessed with dancing and costumes?” ''

''	“Whats going on?” he asked. ''

''	Alice and Kairin quickly explained. ''

''	“Pleased to meet you. My name's Natalia,” the girl explained. ''

	“So, what do you plan on changing us into?” 

''	“I can't explain now. We have to get to Zanaris!” ''

''	They used a teleport to bounce themselves through the abyss, landing in the middle of a road. ''

''	“What is this place?” Natalia asked. ''

	“I think we're in the middle of nowhere.” 

	They walked down the road, heading for a large obelisk 

''	“What is this place?” Natalia asked. ''

''	“Dunno,” Taiki replied. “I've been through Runescape, but never seen this.” ''

'' They walked over to it, to find out that there was a door in it. They walked down the stairs, to find a small station, with a train that rested in a long trench with one rail in the center, and two on the side, was almost twice as big, with one set of wheels on the rail in the center, the other two sets of wheels resting on the rails on the side of the trench. But the most noteworthy things were: 1), it was almost covered in valves, pipes, and all other steam-related apparatus, and had 5 pistons for the wheels. But oddly enough, on the tender there were three large chutes, each with the emblem of a water rune, an earth rune, and a steam rune emblazoned on it. ''

''	“Oh,” Alice grinned, relieved. “Its only the Subline.” ''

'' “Quick, maybe it'll take us to where we need to go!” Taiki grinned, pulling them into the train. Immediately, it started moving, heading to Dorgesh-Kaan. ''

''	Nobody knew how it happened, but someone got into the train. ''

'' “Hello, girls!” he growled, a sword around Natalia, Alice, and Kairin's necks. “Zamorak wants you. We haven't had dark fairies working for us for eons!” ''

''	“What does that mean?” Alice asked. “We're not fairies!” ''

''	“Well, there's a strange story about that...” Taiki shrugged, shifting from one foot to another. ''

''Chapter 36: Another crossover?! ''

'' Haru and Wolfblade walked into the Dungeon of Tolna's boss room, their blades dripping with blood. Now you know where the title came from. ''

'' “Sheesh,” Haru muttered, with an air of extreme toughness. “I didn't even need my longcoat.” (thats right! He was wearing the armor I mentioned in chapter 9!) ''

''	“Yeah,” Wolfblade grinned. “Weak. Very weak. A level 10 would have more fight in him than those clowns!” ''

''	But that air of toughness evaporated once they saw what could only be described as bizarre at the end of the cavern. ''

''	“What in the name of Guthix-” Haru started. ''

''	“Guthix doesn't exist here,” Wolfblade stopped him. ''

''	An old man was walking up to the creature, which looked like 3 human heads on long necks extending into a black pit... ''

''	“Is that man...” Haru gasped. ''

''	“Yes. I think that's Tolna's father! But what's he doing here?” ''

''	“Son! Is that you?” the man asked. ''

''	A wave of revulsion passed between Haru and Wolfblade. “That's Tolna?!” they both gaped. ''

	(<<YESITISME. BUTIAMNOTYOURSON>>)

''“What do you mean? You'll always be my son!” ''

	(<<NOSOMETHINGINTHISDUNGEONHASWARPEDME>>)

“I still care about you!” 

	(<<LIESLIESALLOFITYOUSPENT25YEARSTRYINGTOFINDMEYOUDON'TCAREABOUT-ME>>)

''Haru stepped up. “Your father is telling the truth,” he said. ''

''	Wolfblade followed behind him. “That's right. Your mother has been waiting for you for 25 years!” ''

	(<<WEHAVEVISITIORSYOUMUSTDIE>>)

''	The 3 heads lashed out at Haru and Wolfblade. They opened their mouths and a disgusting mass of tentacles shot out, sucking 6hp from Haru. Immediately, he ate the cake he brought, and 4 hp immediately came back. ''

'' It was a massive battle, destroying much of the dungeon and causing an earthquake in the process. Haru and Wolfblade were fighting back to back, each with a head to kill, but this left them vulnerable to the 3rd head. It was a mass of incredibly fast blocking, red hit splats, fishy anti-poisons, blue hit splats, and the sound of a disgusting slurping noise, and blades tearing through flesh. ''

'' “****”, Haru muttered. “This is going to ruin my jacket.” he promptly used his ax to split the head of Tolna right down the middle. He then turned on the 3rd head, just while Wolfblade was cutting his head of Tolna like sushi. ''

'' The two boys slashed the only remaining head, lacerating it with hideous scarring, bruises from the flat of Haru's axe, and a good dose of Wolfblade's adamant longsword and Fire Blasts. ''

'' Then the head went into overdrive. It refused to lose. Purple spheres shot from small slits in what was left of the creature's skin, hitting Haru and Wolfblade. ''

	(<<YOUSHALLBECOMESLAVESOFMYMINDHAHAHHAHAHAYOURMINDSWILLBE-DESTROYED>>)

''Haru had one last shot. He jumped up... ''

	(he could feel his mind disappearing...)

''raised the gargantuan axe over his head... ''

	(he could feel his body shifting back into Kyushi's demon fox form, and could see Woflblade being gripped by vines, ones that were draining him, changing him to something else-)

''and then... ''

'	SPLAAAAAAAAAT'

'' Haru had cut the Head of Tolna straight down the middle, sending black tar-like blood, entrails, an appendix, some strange teeth, and bones flying all over the room. ''

''	He looked at the neck, a red tube with teeth on all sides. An old man, missing a boot, was spat out. ''

	Later...

''So that's how Haru, with the help of his new friend Wolfblade, completed the Soul's Bane quest. But there was a strange task left to do. Very strange indeed... ''

''	“Listen,” Wolfblade asked Haru. “Can you do me a favor?” ''

	“What kind?” 

''	“I need you to go to the University of Itchcraft and Itchery,” he replied. ''

''	“Why? I hate that place!” ''

'' “You see, something's been going wrong, or even more wrong, with the students. Yes, the building once again started rumbling, and it's jackpot for mercenaries like me.” ''

	“So?” 

	“The headmaster hates me.” 

	“Why?” 

	“I burned the school down.” 

''	“Coincidentally, that's the exact same thing she hates me for. But not as much as you, I gather.” ''

	“Why?” 

'' “Well, let me see... you're 26, I'm 14, you did it 11 years ago, I did it 4 years ago, so she'll have spent more time reminiscing on her hatred of you. But there is something that worries me.” ''

	“What?” 

	“I'll fill you in at Lumbridge.” 

'' They teleported themselves right from the edge of the Rift, being bounced through the rift, and ended up in Lumbridge, near the kitchen. ''

''	The Twilight Guild was standing in the kitchen, looking annoyed. ''

	“What's wrong?” 

'' “The train couldn't get past a wall of strata in Dorgesh-Kaan. Currently, the Dorgeshuun are cross-examining the thing. By the way, is that Terrence Wolfblade the famous mercenary?” ''

''	“Yes. Oh, and he says there's a great assignment at someplace behind the castle... University of Itchcraft and Itchery?” ''

'' Kaia was ashen-faced. “Haru, you know we hate that place! What with all they made us do, and Head's tendency to be an annoying evil **********g son of a *****!” ''

''	“But Head's a woman!” Terrance interjected. ''

'' “I know. But why do we hate it? It's a long story that will make this the longest and least imitation-worth chapter in the book,” Kaia stated. “so, anyways, it was 4 years ago, and our parents went on an 11-month business trip. So, with no thought whatsoever, they sent us to the University of Itchcraft and Itchery. It seemed good the first day, but by the end of the day... ugh. By the end of the week Haru was sick of it, so he used Fire Strike to burn the school down. Head gave us 1 more strike, and guess what Haru did the next week, when the school was rebuilt?” ''

	“Burn it down?” 

'' “No. flood it. Then Head made us a deal, one that Haru will hate for the rest of eternity. It was either get expelled or be in the school ballet company. We didn't want to be expelled, so we chose the second option. Of course, I liked the costumes, but Haru and Kawaru didn't. Most of them were extremely frilly, the only one Haru liked was one that had to do with foxes, and except for in our room, we had to look like girls in all public areas of the school. Haru, as one would imagine, hated it.” ''

'' “I would destroy the school 3 times a month,” Haru remembered, a pleasant look on his face. “let's see now... I burned down the school, blew it down with wind blast, flooded it, had the earth swallow it, cause every molecule of the school to detach, strike it with lightning, disintegrate it, ask a necromancer to let me borrow some of his power so that I could use revenants to lay siege to the school, turn the students into zombies and have them eat the school, use every martial art known to man and several to monkeys to break the school down with my bare hands, shoot it with a dwarven multicannon, drop an atom bomb on it, a hydrogen bomb, turn the school into a living organism that ate Head and then barfed her out of the chimney then jumped off a cliff, convince the white knights of Falador that it was a fortress of their mortal enemies, the black knights and have them lay siege to it and take Head into custody, have meteors bombard it, use the wizard's tower as a beacon for a landing strip so that aliens would taxi down and destroy the school repeatedly, or just ask them to use their warships to destroy the school and have them subject Head to surgical experiments, summon bizarre creatures to use the school as a trampoline, ask the Dorgeshuun to make the school cave in, make every student's nosehair grow so big that there was no space in the school so it exploded, start a black hole, suck all the oxygen out of the school so it would implode, incinerate it with an Archimedes death ray, turn it into a giant lobster monster and have it go on a rampage then have me beat the crap out of it and use it for lobster rolls to feed the starving people of runescape, summon a tornado, cause a solar storm to obliterate it, make a falling sun hit it, cause repeated atomic explosions, make a volcano under it, convince a bunch of Mohawks to attack it, give the trees an ability to move to that they would take over the school, use it as a yo-yo, have sumo wrestlers airdrop onto it, have giant cats enslave the school and make all the students dress up like kittens, then have the cats make all persons in there their personal slaves, cause a sinkhole to open up beneath it, cause a lunar nuclear reactor to hit it, drop it in the arctic ocean until everything freezes then smash it to bits with a warhammer, have penguins invade it, turn the students into sheep, dissolve it, and, on my last day there, did all of those things at once.” he broke off as he saw the jaws of his friends hitting the floor. ''

	“Oo-kay,” said Sakura, picking her jaw up, “you must really have hated that school.” 

''	“Damn, you have no idea,” Haru replied. ''

''	Chapter 37: Tai and Co. are back! ''

	(as of this chapter, it takes a turn toward Doctor Who) 

''	Finally, Taiki and Co. are back! We haven't seen them since chapter 90! ''

''	“It's only been 26 chapters!!” Sakura yelled. ''

'' When we last left off, our Earthian friends were currently fighting off the ravenous Blurgeleledleldy fllakkutktktkytres beast of Talimar! ''

	“HUH?!” 

''	But they lost and every human being on Earth died! ''

''	And then they all came back to life! ''

''	So you see, that's pretty much what happened. ''

''	“WHAT IN THE NAME OF CREAMED CHICKEN ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” Sakura yelled. ''

'' Awright, awright, have it your way! Last time we saw them Taiki and Co. had just gone on an incredibly unsafe motorcycle ride and were about to drive through the Bridgewater Triangle with their friends so that they would go to Runescape to save Taiki, Tairin and Tengu's father Sam. Happy? ''

	“Yes!” 

''	Na-Na-Na-Na-Na, Na, HA! HA! BAKA SURVIVOR- ''

''	“We don't have no dagnabbed theme song!” Tengu yelled. ''

''	GLAAAGPTH! ''

	On something that is actually related to the story...

''Anyway, Taiki, Tairin, Tengu, Daniel, Aleksei, Alexa, Sam, Millie, and the Gautier brothers, who had managed to get there with nobody knowing, were trekking through the swamp. ''

'' Strange creatures flew overhead. Strange noises issued from the bushes. Once, Tom Gautier saw a UFO made of energy, with several others chasing it. ''

''	Finally, they came to a circle of 15 stones. They walked in and- ''

	FLASH 

''	The group found themselves in a strange psychedelic blue tunnel. Then... ''

	SHLOOOOAAARRRRPPPPP 

''	The group found themselves being sucked through, watching many strange images on the walls then... ''

	PPPPPRRRRAAAOOOOLHS 

'' The gang found themselves in a large silver bubble-shaped room. They couldn't explain it at all. They walked out to the strangest display of beings that ever scratched the surface of perception. Let's see now... there were androids, chameleoids, humanoids, insectoids, aside from things ending in oid, there were arachnids,slimethings, (A.K.A blobs of... ooze with colors varying from pink, green, blue, red, orange, purple, yellow, turquoise, and some were colors that I cannot name at all) crustacean-looking things, giant plants, some of which looked like tree spirits, which tended to follow this body type: the girls of that species were always very cute, and they always had green bodies, blossoms of varying bright colors in random places, none of which I shouldn't mention, but they all had one large, brightly colored blossom on their heads. Continuing on, there were things that looked like the every UFO occupant you hear about, bigfeet, weird-looking things that looked like men and women with wings instead of arms, giant werewolf things, giant cat-things,( to get it over with, there were bipeds that looked like almost every animal you know about, mice in particular, and quadrupeds), people that looked like they were dressed up as animals, seemingly ordinary humans, fog, balls of energy that were constantly changing, humans that had the wrong number of limbs in some places, stuff straight out of Stephen King (The Mist, for example) and H.P Lovecraft, and things that defied explanation. ''

'' “Good gravy! And right in the region of the U.S I call home!” Tengu gasped. He was still ogling. Daniel, however, in collaboration with Aleksei and Alexa, and occasionally Taiki, they had served in many, many movies, most weird and exotic, all with substantial parts. This blew past even the weirdest B-movie they had starred in. ''

''	“Okay, this is weird,” Sam Gautier spoke up. “But we need to get to RS. How do we do that?” ''

'' “Well,” a deep voice replied from behind them, “I believe I can help you with that.” the guy looked kind of like he was from Africa, and had black dreadlocks with small white tips, had a scimitar hanging at his waist, a spear on his back, and a shield that looked like a wooden mask on his left arm. He wore no shirt, only red and black tattoos. “Name's Atticus Xyxzlyyxzrylcrysxylmyzxxycryslyxlrhyzphyllyx. There's no time to tell you how to pronounce it. My ship, the Prometheus, I,goes to all worlds. Gallifrey, Steampound, Earth, Mars, Moons of Jupiter, Uranus, Betelgeuse-” ''

''	“Beetlejuice! I love that movie!” Samuel grinned. ''

'' “The star system, not the movie!” Atticus groaned. “Anyway, you get the idea. To fill you in on where you are... this is the Skygrid, a large network of floating cities and bridges, hovering above the center of Jupiter. So how about that trip to RS?” ''

	“Okay!” 

'' They walked through the halls, looking at truly amazing ships, until they came to an enormous... thing. It was impossibly curved, with a saucer-shaped bridge and giant engines... ''

''	I know, bad description, but it's the truth, I can't describe it. ''

''	“Whoa,” Alexa gasped. “You are rolling in it!” ''

'' “Uh, that's not my ship. It's right through that door.” he opened it, to find a nondescript room, with something standing in the middle. ''

	“Uh, it's a London phone booth.” 

''	“I know. Beautiful, isn't it?” ''

''	“Its a phone booth, you idiot!” Aleksei yelled. ''

''	“I know. Step inside.” ''

'' “You did hear what Aleksei said, right? Considering that its a London phone booth, there is not usually very much space.” Alexa argued. ''

'' “Get in, nincompoops,” Sao groaned, and booted them all in. The inside was sort of like a Victorian drawing-room, with nice portraits of people with white hair, but the one thing that made it really stand out was the enormous reactor thing with thousands of cogs, pistons, valves, circuit boards, wires, and vials covering it in its entirety. ''

''	“This is no phone booth,” Taiki muttered. ''

''	“So, where do you want to go?” Atticus asked. ''

''	“Runescape,” Tairin replied. ''

''	“Aye aye,” Atticus grinned. “Ryurin! Fire up the engines!” ''

	“Ready for launch, bro!” 

	FUUUUU-WYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM 

'' That was the sound of the booth being transmuted into a little blue light. It sped along the weird psychedelic tunnels of the fabric of the space-time continuum, passing another London phone booth, albeit that one was blue. (hint hint) ''

''	True, the travel was shaky and turbulent. But Sao and Ryurin seemed completely unfazed. ''

''	Then all hell broke loose. ''

Chapter 38: dragons, golems, and exploding mice 

I, Haru, author and creator of the ridiculous stories Throughout the Ages,Plague of N00bs,and Bakayokai no Shomon,give my permission to my editor, Zamorakknght, who lives at'''Danvers State Hospital 450 Maple Street Danvers,to do whatever crap with the story he wishes for the next 3 chapters.This includes the permission to A), make it a sci-fi story, B), make it bloodier, C), turn it to a random mess of crap, (oh right, it already is) D), add a theme song, Baka Sabaiba in particular, (Baka Survivor, also known as idiot survivor), E), add parodies, and finally, F), do all of the above. ''

' However, dear editor, you must not-repeat, MUST NOT, add in an amazing action scene at the end of these chapter, or the next one I assign. If you disobey these guidelines, I will use your head, or more likely your entire body, as a paddleball.'

' Haru Bakamaru Axeman, May twenty-first, 2008.I hereby approve this document, and so does the fox that lives near my house. He had to be in the story. Please don't ask why, because he has not much use for pages, he wasn't born with opposable thumbs.'

'' Yes, that is the title. Yes, that was actually a legal document to my editor, who lives in an abandoned insane asylum. Yes, this is the chapter where not only BoBoBo Bo Bo BoBoBo is imitated, but episode 2 of Excel Saga. Look it up on youtube. Meanwhile, Haru and Co., with Wolfblade's help, were now in the University of Itchcraft and Itchery. The lobby was enormous. Students, all wearing princess dresses from the “Frog prince/princess” event, were milling about. ''

''	“Uh, Haru?” Wolfblade asked. ''

	“Yes?” 

	“You said you went to this school.” 

	“So?” 

''	“It's an all-girls school!” Wolfblade yelled, pretty darn annoyed. ''

''	“You don't want to know,” Haru replied cryptically. ''

''	“Shouldn't we ask for directions?” Acidwire asked. ''

''	“No. Didn't you read the sign?” ''

	“But it means witchcraft and-oh, I get it!” 

'' They promptly walked up to the office, which was at the top floor. A woman that looked to be 61 years old sat in a chair, humming something that sounded like: “The black brings life, so stay on it, just not on white”. “So Haru, Kaia, and Wolfblade, the most hated people in my life, what brings you here?” ''

	“Nothing much,” Kaia replied casually, “just that mercenary assignment that you put out to any mercenary who wanted it.” 

''	“Fine,” she crossed her arms. “I need you to bring me an Olboricon cold fusion gemstone. It resides deep in the north.” ''

	“That's all?” 

''	“That's all? But I won't trust you with it.” ''

''	“WHY? I am a doctor, for Pete's sake. I am a detective. I have 57 quest points! My detecting skills saved Lumbridge, along with a new species of goblin. I have solved the mystery of the River Salve. I defeated the Culinaromancer! I defeated Elvarg and Delrith, for the gods sake! So what makes you think I cannot solve this?” ''

''	“All right, all right, you can do it. Just bring the gem back!” ''

''	The enormous group, Haru, Kyushi, Kaia, Sakura, Wolfblade, Diana, Zelda, Samuel, Acidwire, walked out of the room. ''

'' “Should we do an overly epic 10-chapter journey there, or should I just be a spoilsport and use Ghorrock Teleport to get us pretty dang far into the wilderness? I have completed Desert Treasure, you know.” ''

''	Haru and Kyushi grinned. “Eh, to heck with it.” after weird black blocks falling from the sky... poof! They were gone. ''

''	Then they found themselves in the deep, icy wastes of the wilderness. ''

'' “Why did you do that?! Our ratings could have soared because of the 15-chapter journey the author might have put in!” Zelda yelled. ''

''	“Uh, look,” Haru replied, “all of our writers are non-union. In fact, our only writer is non-union.” ''

''	“What? No health plan?!” ''

''	The group walked through the frozen wasteland, passing failed attempts at settlements, and the occasional monster. ''

''	Then they came to a gate. One that looked indescribably old. Kyushi disintegrated it randomly. ''

''	“Why'd you do that?” Acidwire asked. ''

	“Well, for starters, the Cold Fusion whatchamacallit is there.” 

''	“How do you know?” Sam asked. ''

	“Remember how we were saying that the only writer we have is non-union?” 

	“Yeah, so?” 

	“The guy has this amazing action scene planned, and he wants us to get this job done ASAP.” 

	“I see, although I really don't.” 

''	They walked through the gate... ''

''	And found themselves in a large cavern that seemingly defied all known laws of existence. ''

'' “You'd need Level 60 agility to get through this” gasped Sam, looking at the vast atrium in front of them. It was amazing. Small ice platforms floated in the air, sort of like staiways. Men, women, and Saradomin knows what else scurried upon them. Large thorns came from the wall, and particularly long and thin ones connected to the large 'Island' in the middle, which was covered with grass. Tall quartz-like buildings pointed up to the large thick glass ceiling, where Haru assumed they would look just like odd 3 or 4 story buildings. The towers were indescribably tall. One could probably fit up to 15 stronghold of security levels in it! ''

''	“I think this is the Lost North Kingdom of Eisenmeteor!”gasped Kyushi. “It was all so long ago!” ''

''	“So, how do we do it?” Sakura asked. ''

''	“The spikes?”suggested Acidwire. ''

	“Great idea!”answered Haru.”GO!!” 

''	They ran like heck to a spike. After about 12 spikes, they stopped and rested. ''

''	“Look, the ice is cracking!” Zelda exclaimed. ''

''	“They can't stand our weight!”Kyushi agreed. ''

''	Then all the 11 other spikes they had crossed spontaneously shattered. ''

	“We're trapped!!!” she yelled.”Oh well, it could be worse!” 

'' “It just did!! Look!”Diana pointed. A humongous lizard thing with swords that had 10 wings was flying toward them.”Fire Strike! Fire Blast! Fire Bomb! Phoenixflame! Lava blitz! Lava big boom!”he yelled. But each fire spell did nothing to stop it! In fact, it seemed to grow tenfold! ''

'' “let me try!”exclaimed Sakura.”Fire Blitzkrieg! Fire Strike! Fire Blast! Fire Bomb! Phoenixflame! Lava blitz! Lava big boom!”but once again, the monster expanded! “Okay, so magic won't work, how about ranged combat!”she got out her 8 launcher crossbow, but the monster swatted them like fleas! ''

''	“FOR CRIPES SAKE, WHAT THE ________ WILL WORK THEN?!!!!?!?!” roared Haru. ''

''Melee? ''

''“ARE YOU SERIOUS!? That’s suicidal!” he screamed. ”Say, who are you?” ''

''I’m the author. I write the story. Would I put you in a fight you can’t win? ''

''“You could if you wanted to!” Haru replied. ''

“Alright already!!!” I’ll give melee a try, for crying out loud!” 

''	“Are you completely insane?!” everybody yelled. ''

''	“I guess we'll find out!” He replied.”Dragon battleaxe.... 4 strength potions... RAMPAGE!!!” ''

			KABOOOMM

'' The monster exploded. Very messily. The wall, the Twilight Guild, and the central pillar with the city on top were covered in internal organs, blood, and marrows. ''

''	“Thank you, author!” thanked Haru. ''

''You’re welcome! ''

''“Are you going to follow me everywhere?” he yelled. ''

''Well of course I am! But I will give you some privacy if you need to change or.... you know. ''

“Okay!” 

'' Suddenly the ice began to crack. Transparent knights with spikes sticking out of their armor came out in an indescribably weird way. They just melted out of the ice, like water dripping from a wet ceiling. They wielded every type of weapon known to runescape. And some not. ''

''	“For crying out loud!!” muttered Samuel. ”Charge!”they ran toward the golems. ''

''	“I never wanted to use this, but they leave me no choice!” yelled Haru. He unsheathed his large Dragon Battleaxe- ''

''	“Where the _____ did that come from!”he yelled. ''

''	It's a gift. If you waste it, something very bad will happen. ''

'' He then rushed toward a golem holding a longsword. Haru twisted his arm around, slung the axe over his shoulder, and catching the hook at each end of the end of the axe at the edge of the golem’s sword, and flung the icy longsword at a group of golems, destroying them. ''

'' “Dragon twister!” Haru yelled. He swung his sword. A burst of wind compressed to the point of a blade cleaved through a group of golems. ''

''	Um, Haru, I think we should go to Kaia. ''

''	“Why? I haven't been this violent with a melee weapon since the great Yew N00b invasion of Rimmington!” ''

'' I've given you a bit too much attention. I mean, watching you kill 10 golems per minute is intensely violent, but as they say, Ladies first! Unless the main character is male! ''

''	“Why not go to her? I'll kill golems as if my life depended on it. But then again, it pretty much does!” ''

	Meanwhile....

''“Well it's about time!” Kaia yelled. “DRAGON BOMB!!!” ''

''	Suddenly, all Ice Golems within a 30 foot radius of her melted into water. That just so happened to be all of them. ''

'' Then a strange thing happened. The water from the golems shot through the air and joined with other melted golems and turned into an exact replica of the ten winged dragon that they had fought just before. And, to make things even worse, the residue from the dragon had been sucked into the frosty monster's mouth, merging with it to create a duplicate of the original dragon! Albeit it was 4 times the size, and various parts of it were made of ice! Then it raced for the rest of the guild. ''

	There's only one thing I can think of'' she thought. ''

'' It opened its jaws. The rest of the guild tried to run, shooting fireballs on the way, but she was about to be eaten. No one could doubt that, when suddenly Kaia ran into the mouth of it. Suddenly, there came the sound of somebody yelling the word ”Phoenixflame!”. Then the monster exploded. ''

''	“She was my sister, Kaia! She sacrificed her life for me! Why! Why!”he cried. ''

''	“You know, you can stop crying now.” said a familiar voice. ''

''	“Kaia! You're alive!” He cried, hugging her. ''

''	“You know, author, you should definitely start coming up with more ideas,” Haru moaned. ''

''	Oh shut up! I wrote in that document, didn't I? That's funny! Admit it! ''

''	“The gem is this way,” Diana observed. ''

	“How do you know?” 

	“I don't,” she replied, “But the author has something planned.” 

''	The group walked through a nearby ice corridor, being very cautious, when suddenly... ''

''	“WOW! The gem is right across the room! This'll be easy!” ''

'' “I don't think so. Look, the floor is made of black and white cobblestones. I have a hunch... watch,” Haru took out a slice of cheese, and dropped it on a white square. A mouse ran out to get it, and promptly exploded. Then more mice ran out, causing more mushroom clouds. It sounded like this: SQUEE-PFAAW-OOOOM! SQUEE-PFAWOOOOM! ''

'' "Well, we know not to walk on the white squares," Haru grinned. They walked across, and grabbed the gem, then teleported to Lumbridge. ''

''	I know, I know, it could have been a bit more dramatic. ''

	Chapter 39: Blood, guts, and random violence 

'' Wolfblade, along with Haru and the rest of the Twilight Guild, sat in Head's office. "A job well done!" Haru grinned, taking a big, long sip of Karamjan Rum, straight from the bottle. ''

'' "Congratulations, Haru, Kaia, Kyushi, Wolfblade," Head grinned, with an odd edge. "For securing this rare gemstone, and leading the expedition, your reward is..." ''

''	"Imprisonment!" she cried, with enormous runite cages suddenly imprisoning all of the people she just mentioned. ''

''	"WHAT? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!" everybody yelled. ''

'' "Let me explain," Head cackled. "I think I chose my name very well on this pitiful planet. Head...Master. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" ''

'' Her body was warping, changing into something that looked a bit like a cross between a grossly misshapen dragonfly, and a giant green squid, (well, that's what the head looked like, albeit it was upside-down) with a face that was even more hideously ugly than her own. Horribly disgusting pus oozed from every pore. ''

''	"I think I'm going to be sick," Haru groaned. ''

'' "Let me explain," she wheezed in a grating voice. "I am OmuNari. I come from a planet far far away, where females are treated like dirt." ''

''	"Thankfully, when we went into the Fifth age, we evolved past such crap," Kaia interrupted. ''

	"Anyways, as I was saying," she continued, "on our planet, the males treated the females like dirt, and-" 

''	"YOU ALREADY SAID THAT!" Kaia yelled. ''

	"STOP INTERRU-" 

'' "No can do, alien scum. See, I have Chronic Interrupting Disorder," Kaia interrupted again. "It's part of a type of mental wiring that sounds like a horrible food." ''

	")(*&) off and shut up!" OmuNari yelled. 

''	Kaia fell silent. ''

'' "Anyways, a band of females banded together to fight this injustice. However, it split into eighteen factions, each favoring a different tactic. Then all of those factions lost at least 80% of members pursuing a diplomatic approach. The remaining factions joined the pacifists. Except for one. That one was ME! I destroyed all the males on my home planet! Then I realized that other planets were oppressed by this cruel tyranny, so I annihilated all of the males on those planets! But I decided to try the direct approach. You see, after learning a spell to change all the boys into girls, and that both Earth and this pitiful one are the parents of the universe, essentially, I decided to rid the planet of the tyrants! I will rid this, and every other universe, of males!" ''

'' "In a lifetime of listening to plans so brainless they almost take idiocy to an art form, that is by far the stupidest, most deranged plot I have ever heard!" Haru yelled. "By the way, did anybody ever tell you that you're completely and irreversibly insane?" ''

'' "Yes. Goodbye." she pressed a button, and every body fell through the floor, down to the countryside behind Lumbridge, to find that... ''

''	They were 2 miles above the ground! ''

''	"OOOHHHMAAAAGAAAWD!" Sam yelled in horror. ''

''	They plummeted like rocks, wondering whether they would die from hitting the ground, or from asphyxiation, but... ''

''	Surprisingly, they survived, each of them hitting a tree in a fashion not unlike that of the out-of-control skier. ''

'' Once Haru, Kyushi, Wolfblade, Sam, and Acidwire's groins had recovered from the crushing pain, they realized they had to get back up, when they realized that there was an enormous battleship above. It looked a lot like the battleship you first see in the first Star Wars movie. ''

''	"Good Guthix," Wolfblade gasped, looking at the ship. "How do we get up there?!" ''

'' "I think I know. We'll get in this cool wardrobe!" Kaia replied, pointing to a ridiculously decorated, vaguely pear-shaped wardrobe, one with windows and strange torches. ''

''	"HOW THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP?! AND HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN THERE?!" Diana gaped ''

''	Haru shrugged. They all ran into it. ''

''	"Now how's this supposed to help?!" Diana asked. ''

''	"I think you mean "how is it helping?" ", Haru replied. ''

''	Everybody looked out the window to see the countryside of Lumbridge below them. ''

''	"So this thing can fly?!" Sakura asked incredulously. ''

''	"Yeah. Haru and I got it from a fellow doctor," Kaia replied. ''

''	Then... ''

''	KA-BRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMFFKK! ''

''	The tiny little wardrobe smashed into the ship's belly. Wolfblade, and Haru and Co. stepped out to find... ''

'' They were surrounded by cute humanoid catlike things that were making a strange purring noise! (it sounded like: “Puuruu, Puuruu!”) ''

''	“They're super-cute!” everybody yelled, hugging them. ''

'' One walked up to Kyushi. “Aw, so cute!” then he punched it in the face, and stomped on it repeatedly. “Unfortunately, I'm not interested in that kind of thing!” he then looked down, to find that... ''

''	“IT'S HIDEOUS!” he gasped. Haru saw it too, and decided to make cute cat-thing sushi. ''

'' “HAI-YAAARGH! HAIAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYHAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY-AYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYA! HYA!” Haru yelled, tomahawking creature after creature. “It's amazing what you can do with an eight-foot tall Nyoibo Battleaxe, isn't it?” ''

''	Soon, every other Guild member joined in. “We can't hold them off!” Acidwire yelled. “Their cuteness is paralyzing!” ''

''	With that, Kyushi incinerated all of the cute creatures. ''

'' After running through miles of hallways, they walked straight into a main room full of the cat creatures. The chorus of “Puuruu, puuruu, puuruu puuruu puuruuu” was unbearable. ''

''	“Head's in the room after this!” Wolfblade yelled. “Guys, girls, go on without me!” ''

''	“But Wolfblade...” Diana gasped. ''

''	“I'll be fine! Just don't die before I do!” he yelled, unstrapping his enormous sword. ''

''	The Twilight Guild ran through the halls, weapons bared. ''

''	“We're coming for you, Head!” Haru yelled. “I'll behead you, Head!” ''

THE END

''	“This is how the story ends?! Ma-Ma-Ma-Majide?!” everybody yelled. ''

''	No. I lied! ''