Waren00b, Chapter 1: Waren00b Begins

'''BEHOLD! the first actual chapter of Waren00b'''

Chapter 1: Waren00b begins
AJKzander29: I’m bored, so I’ll make a noob story… one upon a time in a place far, far, away, called runescape A.K.A Gielinor… there was a nooby noob named Waren00b… who is going to get some apple pie… from Wydin.

Waren00b: Ok, Widdy, foody, buddy, this is a food store and in a food store, I expect apple pie!

Wydin: but I don’t have apple pie… even if I did, you don’t have the money.

Warn00b: I have a wooden shield from Tutorial Island. They’re rare, and worth a lot of gold coins.

Wydin: A wooden shield is useless!

Waren00b: I’ll show you useless!

He goes up to a thief and attacks him. The thief kills Waren00b and he respawns at lumbridge)

Wydin: Wow, it just got quieter!

Waren00b: I still have my wooden shield! Take that society!

(Waren00b goes to the cook)

Waren00b: Hey Cookie, bake me some apple pie

Cook: What am I going to do?

Waren00b: Gimmie all your money… and apple pie

Cook: Oh, very funny. I need to bake a cake for the duke or he will kill me. Can you help?

Waren00b: Will I get apple pie?

Cook: Err… no

Waren00b: Its noobing time… GIVE ME THE APPLE PIE OR I’LL REPORT YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE NOT A PLAYER, BUT I DON’T CARE, AND I’LL JUST QUIT RUNESCAPE, AND WONT DO YOUR QUEST SO THE KING OR BARON OR WHATEVER WILL KILL YOU AND REPLACE YOU WITH A SMARTER LESS UGLY COOK, AND YOUR BODY WILL DECAY IN THE DIRT BUT I WONT CARE BECAUSE I QUIT AND WILL BE ON SOME OTHER MMORPG LIKE… I DON’T KNOW ANY OTHER MMORPG BUT I WILL FIND ONE AND WHEN I DO-

Avaratre9k: Aaarg! The noobyness! (Dies)

Mal0kei: I second (Dies)

Cook: Okay you will get your apple pie after you give me some milk, flour, and an egg.

Waren00b: time to set things right.

(Waren00b goes to the Zamarockian temple, near the Wilderness)

“TO BE CONTINUED!!!”

Waren00b begins Part 2

Waren00b: Ooh a jug of wine… are wine and milk the same thing? Who cares, the count isn’t going to kill ME!

(Tries to takes wine)

Zammy: Gah! Stop taking my wine!

Monk of Zammarock: Hey, you can’t take that!

Waren00b: Why?

MOZ: Because it belongs to Zammy, and I’m here to guard it.

Waren00b: But I need it for a quest!

MOZ: If you want it, you have to get through us

Waren00b: But there’s only one of you.

(20 monks of zammy come from behind him)

Waren00b: Uh oh… for the cook, and prince, and apple pie Aaarg!

(Waren00b charges at the monks and runs off to the wilderness)

Waren00b: I don’t have the wine or milk or whatever, I didn’t kill the monks I only have 1 hitpoint left I’m lost and unaware but I’m still alive! I’M ALIVE! I’M ALIVE! I’M ALIVE! I’M ALIVE! I’M ALIVE! I’M ALIVE!

(Pker walks up to him)

Waren00b: Hi, what’s your name?

Hotfire3222: Just call me death

Waren00b: What kinda name is that?

(Hotfire3222 kills him in one hit. Waren00b respawns at lumbridge… again)

Waren00b: I’ll remember that guy and his goofy looking hat

Cook: Did you get the items?

Waren00b: Shut up!

Cook: If you can’t find the items then just ask other people… and hurry, duke here is sharpening his axe!

Waren00b: Fine, and I’ll use speed pace again, since I don’t want to wait for the pie

(Waren00b goes to the varroc fountain)

“TO BE CONTINUED!!!”

Waren00b begins Part 2 err, I mean 3

Waren00b: Hey, can I get an egg?

Player#1: Get lost noob

Waren00b: Can you tell me how to find an egg

Player#2: sdfu

Waren00b: Can you tell me where I can find an egg?

Dreamcaper: Up your ****

Waren00b: Thanks

(Waren00b tries to find the egg)

Waren00b: I think I found it and… ouch. There’s no egg there, you lied to me

Dreamcaper: Ha, ha!

Waren00b: Can you-

Player#4: No

Waren00b: Can y-

Player#5: Not in this life or next

Waren00b: Can-

Player#6: Go to hell

Waren00b: C-

Player#7: I would never help a dumb noob like you

Waren0-

Player#8: Leave us alone, you stupid, ugly mooching, nooby dork

Waren00b: CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND ONE FREAKING EGG?

Anyone: NO, NOW SHUT UP, GET LOST, LEAVE US ALONE, AND GO TO HELL!!!

(Now Waren00b is really, really mad)

Waren00b: grrrrrrrrr… TEEEEEEEEEEEEELL MEEEEEEEEEEE WHEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEE I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND THEEEEEEEE STUUUUUUUUUUUUPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID EEEEEEEEEEEEEEGG, OOOOOOOOOOR I’LL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOB YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU! TOOOOOOO LAAAAAAAAAATE. GIMMIE AAAAAAAAAALL YOOOOOOUUUUR EEEEEEEEEEGGS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND MOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPLE PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE, WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH IS IIIIIIIIIIIIROOOOOOOOOOONIIIIIIIIIIC BEEEEEEEEECAAAAAAUUUUUSEEEEEEE I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED THE EEEEEEEEEEEGG FOOOOOOR AAAAAAAAAAAAPPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE, BUUUUUUUUUUUUT WHOOOOOOOO CAAAAAAAAAAREEEEEES, I’LL JUUUUUUUUUUUST REEEEEEEEPOOOOOOOORT YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND WOOOOOOOOOOOOOONT CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIF YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNEEEEEEEEEED, OOOOOOOOOOOR IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIF I GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET BAAAAAAAAAAAANNEEEEEEEEED, BEEEEEEEEEEEEECAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUSE I’LL JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST QUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND JAGEX WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUSEEEEEEEEEE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAALL MAAAAAAAAADE MEEEEEEEEEE QUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, AAAAAAAAAAAND I’LL EEEEEEEENJOOOOOOOOOOOY MYYYYYYYYYYY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEEEEEEEEE PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYIIIING… I STILL CAN’T THINK OF ANOTHER MMORPG… THIS IS A LONG SENTENCE!

Translation: TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND THE STUPID EGG, OR I’LL NOOB YOU! TOO LATE! GIMMIE ALL YOUR EGGS AND MONEY AND APPLE PIE, WHICH IS IRONIC BECAUSE I NEED THE EGG FOR APPLE PIE, BUT WHO CARES, I’LL JUST REPORT YOU AND WONT CARE IF YOU GET BANNED, OR IF I GET BANNED, BECAUSE I’LL JUST QUIT, AND JAGEX WILL HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU ALL MADE ME QUIT, AND I’LL ENJOY MY LIFE PLAYING… I STILL CANT THINK OF ANOTHER MMORPG… THIS IS A LONG SENTENCE!

Players: Aaarg! The noobyness! (Dies)

Dreamcaper: I would rather stick my head up your ****! (Dies)

Waren00b: Hey, where did everyone go? Is the party over? And there’s free stuff everywhere! Ooh, look egg!

(Takes egg and other stuff)

Waren00b: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I feel like a kid in a candy store! I love my life.

Guard: I’m sorry, but you will have to pay for damage… in coins.

“TO BE CONTINUED!!!”

Waren00b begins Part 4

Waren00b: Can’t you see I’m dressing! I like my privacy!

Guard: Oh sorry…

(Waren00b puts on a dress)

Waren00b: Does this make me look fat?

Guard: Um… no

(Waren00b puts on more clothes)

Waren00b: Do I look pretty?

Guard: err. You’re gorgeous…

Waren00b: Okay, I’m done. What do you want?

Guard: Well, it looks like you owe runescape 100 mil.

Waren00b: I don’t have the money, but will you let me go if I give you a wooden shield?

Guard: Ha, ha, but no. Now because you bribed me, and bribed me horribly, you owe us 200 mil. Either that or you will be banned.

Waren00b: How the heck can a noob like me get a bazillion coins?

Guard: Use your imagination. Ha, ha.

Waren00b: Okay...

(Guard gives Waren00b a not and he reads it)

Waren00b: Call me…

Hotfire3222:I’m rich, and happy and loving it… oh yeah I’m loving it!

Waren00b: You!

Hotfire3222: Me!

Waren00b: I remember you! You almost had me killed! You owe me big time.

Hotfire3222: Correction- I killed you. And how do you remember me?

Waren00b: It’s your stupid, goofy hat.

Hotfire3222: Stupid aye, this hat is worth 200 mil

Waren00b: 200 mil?

Hotfire3222: Yes, 200 mil.

Waren00b: I really need the money… will you give me the hat if I give you my wooden shield?

Hotfire3222: You’re a noob alright. Look, I can kill people whenever I want in the wildy, and there’s nothing they can do about it. I’m strong you’re weak. You want a phat get it yourself. Now leave me alone and stay out of my life

Waren00b: But I need it really badly!

Hotfire3222: Too badly, err I mean bad

Waren00b: GIVE ME THAT HAT SO I CAN SELL IT TO PAY OFF MY DEBT, OR I’LL REPORT YOU, AND IT WONT AFFECT ME ANYWAY BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO GET BANNED ANYWAY, SO GIMMIE THE HAT OR YOU’LL BE BANNED, OR I’LL BE BANNED OR I DON’T CARE AND I’LL BE PLAYING I DON’T CARE! MOREOVER, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING! NOOB, NOOB, NOOB, NOOB, NOOB, NOOB, IT’S NOOBING TIME! I NEED IT; I WANT IT, SO GIVE IT TO ME!

Hotfire3222: Aarg the noobyness! (Dies)

Waren00b: Hey, how did you turn into a pile of bones? Oh, and thanks for the hat.

(Waren00b takes the blue phat, and puts down the wooden shield)

Waren00b: Not much of a talker, eh? Hey who wants a hat thingy for the not so cheap price of 200 mil?

Player#9: Ooh, me!

Player#10: No, me

Player#11: Gimmie! I want it!

Player#12: The hat is mine!

Zappit456: Well, he can’t choose all of us. And by ‘all of us’ I mean you guys. I’m the one!

Player#14: I don’t have 200 mil... *runs off crying*

Waren00b: Oh, better choose before this gets ugly... enei meanei minei mo, catch a tiger by the toe, my mom says the very best one and you are it *points at Zappit456*

Zappit456: Told you I was the one

Players: Aw man

Waren00b: and what is your name?

Zappit456: Zappit456

Waren00b: and are you willing to pay me 200 mil for this hat?

Zappit456: I sure am

Waren00b: then lets trade!

(Zappit456 trades 200 mil for the blue phat)

Waren00b: w00t!

Zappit456: w00t! *leaves*

(Waren00b calls Guard)

Waren00b: hey guard

Guard: what do you want?

Waren00b; I have the 200 mil!

Guard: how the heck could a noob like you get a bazillion coins?

Waren00b: I used my imagination.

Guard: okay...

(Waren00b pays the guard and goes to the Draynor mill)

“TO BE CONTINUED!!!”

Waren00b begins Part 5

Waren00b: how can I make flour?

Avaratre9k: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s the n00bingator!

N00bingator: no, I’m the n00bingnator

Avaratre9k: what!? There’s two of them!? I can’t live anymore! *jumps into the hopper and grinds himself* ahhhhhhhhhhhh... this is MUCH better than being noobed *remains come out of flour bin*

Waren00b: ooh, flour *tries to get it*

Narrator: sorry but you need a pot to take this flour.

Waren00b: I have no potty... *starts to cry*

N00bingator: here, take mine.

(N00bingator trades Waren00b a pot for absolutely nothing)

Waren00b: thanks

N00bingator: no problem. That’s what’s noobs are for. *casts lumbridge home teleport* to Al kahardi!

Waren00b: what a nice guy...

(Waren00b goes to lumbridge)

Waren00b: I have the egg and flour!

Cook: now you need to get the milk.

Waren00b: how? The monks will kill me them.

Cook: just ask that woman how to milk cows.

Waren00b: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That sounds like hard work.

Cook: do you feel the sweet scent of apple pie filling your nostrils?

Waren00b: yessss...

(Waren00b goes to the cow pen in lumbridge)

Waren00b: hey, hominoid, teach me how to milk cowises.

Gillie Goats: I have a name!

Waren00b: yeah, sure whatever, just tell me how to milk a cow

Gillie: First, you need a bucket

Waren00b: I have no bucket

Gillie: more about that later. Then you need to find a dairy cow and milk it.

Waren00b: I have no bucket. *starts to cry*

Gillie: ummm... ok

Waren00b: will you give me a bucket?

Gillie: what!? No!

Waren00b: please

Gillie: I don’t have a bucket

Waren00b: YES YOU DO!

Gillie: yes I do

Waren00b: GIMMIE IT RIGHT NOW!

Gillie: no

(Waren00b jumps on Gillie, grabs her by the collar and stars shaking her)

Waren00b: GIVE ME THE BUCKET

Gillie: but I need it

Waren00b: WELL, I NEED IT MORE SO GIMMIE!

Gillie: okay just stop shaking me!

(Gillie gives Waren00b a bucket)

Waren00b: AND YOUR STAGECOACH KEYS!

Gillie: I don’t own a stagecoach, they haven’t even been released yet!

Waren00b: OH, YES THEY HAVE!

Gillie: Yes they have

Waren00b: NOW GIMMIE

(Gillie gives Waren00b her stagecoach keys)

Waren00b: NOW GIMMIE YOUR CHOCOLATE BAR!

Gillie: I don’t have a chocolate bar!

Waren00b: ok, if you say so

(Waren00b gets off Gillie)

Gillie: phew, that was close *takes out chocolate bar and eats it*

Waren00b: now, cow, prepare to be milked!

Gillie: Wait, Waren00b, that’s not a dairy cow!

Waren00b: what?

Gillie: never mind

(Cow gets really mad and starts attacking Waren00b)

“TO BE CONTINUED!!!”

Waren00b begins Part 6

Waren00b: AAAHHH! I HAVE THIS MAD COW CHASING ME AROUND! Good thing I still have my wooden shield to protect me... wait where’s my wooden shield?

Pile of bones: jerk...

Waren00b: oh right

???: need a ride?

Waren00b: huh, who said that?

Talking cow: none other than the moo cow of doom

Waren00b: AAAHHH! TALKING COW!

(Waren00b starts attacking the moo cow of doom)

Moo cow of doom: Pease stop, I can get you away from the angry cow

Waren00b: okay

(Waren00b rides on moo cow of doom)

Waren00b: uhhh... who are you again?

Moo cow of doom: I am the moo cow of doom, but you may call me mcod for short

Waren00b: why?

Ajkzander29: because I’m too lazy to type moo cow of doom over and over again

Waren00b: works for me. Say, mcod, can I milk you

Mcod: yes you MAY

(Waren00b milks mcod)

Waren00b: ugh! This bucket is heavy! *tries to lift it* ‘gasp’ ‘gasp ‘wheeze’ ‘wheeze’ aaarg! *faints*

(Waren00b wakes up)

Waren00b: where am I?

Cook: congratulation, you have finished the quest

Waren00b: yes! But how, I thought I passed out?

Cook: you did, but your friend mcod helped you come here and give me the items

Mcod: you’re welcome

Waren00b: so the marquis isn’t going to kill you?

Cook: he’s a duke, and no he isn’t.

Waren00b: yay, now I can have apple pie

Narrator: you get some cooking xp and ability to use the cook’s range

Wraen00b: but where’s the apple pie?

Narrator: ummm... you see, there is no apple pie....

Waren00b: NO APPLE PIE!?

Cook: erm, you can cook the apple pie...

Waren00b: I WANT APPLE PIE! I WANT APPLE PIE! I WANT APPLE PIE! I WANT APPLE PIE!

Cook: uhhh. *jumps out of the window* HAVE FUN DOING THE RECIPE OF DISASTER QUEST ALL BY YOURSELF!

Waren00b: well, the important thing is that I made new friends, paid off my debt, got stagecoach keys, a lot of other things and most importantly, finished the quest1

Ajkzander29: well, it’s about time you do! This chapter has already 5 “TO BE CONTINUED!!!”s, and my fingers are sore! If this is just the first chapter, I wonder what’s next for Waren00b! I hereby declare this chapter finished

~v^THE END^v~

(c)2006 by AJKzander29

(c)2009 by Mectrixctic