Consuming, Confusing

East Ardougne's City Border

Robert Bandano woke up. Another boring day in his little outpost of Ardougne's city border. He was a guard, but never left the building. He would only be permitted into Ardougne when asked to be, or in dire emergency.

Today a dire emergency knocked on his door. Actually, five of them did.

"Robert Bandano, I presume. I'm Tony de Fillo, and my accomplices are Farrell, Darako, TzHaar-Kot-Tok and Lobstorr. We are giving you an offer you can't refuse. Seriously. If you refuse, your life is at steak."

"You might as well come in. Grab a seat, and I'll make you all some tea."

"I'll have three sugars."

The gang entered the abode, and Tony took his fedora off and bowed his head.

"So, what is this offer?"

"Well, basically, you have to smuggle all five of us into Ardougne."

"I don't think that's possible. I can fit 3 people, a talking lobster and a TzHaar into one parcel."

"Then make it possible!" Darako shouted, as he slammed his fist on the table. Robert flinched.

"Well, when there's a will, there's a way. I have some very big parcels due to go into Ardougne. I suppose you could all fit" Robert stammered.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get us into Ardougne!" Farrell said.

"Course, course" Robert stammered again.

Robert lead them all into the post room. There were some very large crates.

"And what is in there?" Tony inquired.

"Weapons and armour. Tons of it. The king asked for them specifically. If you want to hide in those crates, you have to be careful. The weapons are very sharp."

But Kot-Tok had already started taking the lid off, then climbing in. Everybody else followed, except Robert. Tony shut the lid on them, and spoke through the holes.

"Lets do this now! And, if you rat on us, we will kill you slowly and painfully."

Robert nodded fearfully, and sounded the horn. Some guards came in five minutes later, and helped Robert drag the crate to the gates of Ardougne.

"I'm Robert Bandano, guardian of the outpost. Here is my ID, and here is the king's order."

The councilor nodded, and the crate was let in. Robert followed. The crate was then dragged to a small hut. The guards were going to search it.

"Its heavier than we thought! Lets search it anyhow" a guard said, and opened the box.

But an abyssal whip grabbed his neck and strangled him. As the guard fell, the other guards instinctively attacked the box. Tony and his allies jumped out and fought the guards.

Tok-Kot threw two guards into a wall, where their heads got stuck. He then dipped a guard's head into the chamber pot and urinated.

Lobstorr climbed on the back of a guard, and started to shave his hair. He then bit the guard's bald head and pinching until the guard collapsed.

Tony used his whip to take down two guards and tie them together. He then whipped them, for no apparent reason.

Darako was an ace at throwing poison daggers. Two guards charged at him, but they both fell to the floor, as the daggers slit their throats.

Two guards were left. Farrell had a massive flail in his pocket, and he swung it. It struck them and they went flying into the window, smashing it.

"This confusion is consuming" Robert muttered.

"Robert, you're coming with us on an adventure of a lifetime. And so we can make sure you don't dob on us."

The six of them ran out, where an alarm was sounding (an alarm consisting of cow bells ringing everywhere) and guards were running everywhere. The guards had just found their dead or wounded comrades in the hut.

It was a sunny day. The flowers were bright, and the bees were buzzing around. All is peaceful in Ardougne. A rabbit hops by, but then suddenly it gets hit by an obsidian maul and squished to pieces.

"Die creature of evil!" Kot-Tok screamed at the dead rabbit.

"Where shall we stay? Rob, any abandoned houses about?" Tony asked.

"Possibly, but its been a long time since I last entered Ardougne"

"Fat lot of help you are" muttered Darako.

"What about that place?" Farrell pointed out.

He was pointing to some run down old house, right next to the market. They entered it, and it looked like no one lived here for years.

"This is the haunted house!" Robert shouted out.

"Bah, who cares? One look at you and the ghosts will go running!" laughed Darako.

"Its night time. We might as well get some rest" Tony said, as they all bid each other good night.

Some hours later, the lights kept flicking on and off. The temperature dropped significantly, and there was some unworldly wailing and creaking. The walls started to ooze. Everyone woke up.

"Be gone..." wailed the ghostly voice.

"Go to hell! Some people want some sleep!" Darako shouted.

"You dare insult the spirits of the house!" the voice continued.

Then ghostly faces appeared on the walls. But Kot-Tok then hit all the faces with his maul. They all recoiled.

"Shut up! I want sleep!" droned Kot-Tok, and then suddenly the room went back to normal.

"Sorry" said the spirits of the house, as they disappeared forever.

"Ghosts... they are so overrated" Tony muttered.

Morning

The six walked out of the house, and headed for the market. The guards were absent. The traders were present, as was customers.

"The guards have probably been summoned by the king to continue their man hunt or whatever" Lobstorr muttered.

They could see two entrances to the city. They looked at the left, and saw a terrible sight. The Socialists. They had been stopped by the councilors. But they wouldn't say no.

The six ran to a nearby house, and hid in it. They stared out of the window, and they could hear voices.

"Don't use such vulgar language!" bellowed an angry councilor to the General.

Socialist soldiers were raising their weapons, but the General gestured for them to lower their weapons.

"If you don't let us in right now, I'll have the rest of my army storm the city from all sides of the border!" snapped the General.

"By the order of the King - "

"That's it. Your king can shove this up his ass!"

The General shoved a sword through the counselor's chest. Then the gates all over the city suddenly burst, and the Socialists were storming the streets.

The citizens paused, and stuck their hands in the air. The soldiers brushed past them and rammed down all the doors. Families were terrified.

But suddenly, the soldiers withdrew, and they all marched to the palace, on orders by the General.

Several paladins, heroes and knights emerged, but they retreated into the castle.

"I request an audience with your king..." grinned the General manically.

The six stepped back into the market. All the citizens quickly ran outside, and constantly chattered with each other.

"Right, we are not going to surrender! We tried so hard and got so far! We've gone too far to loose it all!" Tony roared at his team.

"We shall stick by you like glue, whatever the situation!" Farrell announced, and slapped his chest with one hand. The rest repeated.

"I shall scout for us! There's some people around the corner!" Kot-Tok said, as he waddled off. He came back 2 minutes later.

"They are not our enemies, but we better make ourselves scarce, just in case."

"Who were they?"

"A gnome and 3 humans. One of them identified himself as Tar Kender."

Tony, Farrell and Darako stared at each other in disbelief. They then walked off, to find another hiding place.