The 6 great Noob Wars: (or how Nubaria was formed)

(note: this is not intended to offend anyone under level 35! Just harmless teasing!)

As long as RS2 has existed, there have been Noobs.

And, as long as there have been Noobs, there have been Noobs that were bullied, which, 5 times over, led to a colossal, yet somewhat unremarkable war. Nobody knows WHY it's unremarkable...

Twilight Guild and Eclipse Guild Taisho Haru Axeman and Kyurin Torment revealed, however, that the noob corpses had been infected with an unknown nanogene in all of the wars. Oddly, all attempts to remove the gene, which was MOSTLY dormant whenever noobs weren't involved in any type of fighting, were complete failures.

Haru, however, who had a brief career as a doctor and genetic engineer in Misthalin Royal Hospital, also revealed 2 recently discovered properties of the "Noob gene". 1), it seems to somehow transmutate into coherent brainwaves once a certain amount of exp and/or level have been achieved (usually 35 levels), translating chatspeak into Scape Standard, German, French, or any other comprehensible language, and creating great knowledge. 2), it seems to be the only receptor for the feared disease Nubitis, which turns anyone with no skills over level 35 into a zombie that can turn others into zombies. Exactly how this is achieved is unknown.

= 5th age, year 0220 =

This was when the first N00b war started. Unfortunately, in the great final battle of the war, known as The Scathing of Burthorpe, all records were lost. only a few pieces of paper were salvaged, and here are some of the things they say:

Fire (incomprehensible, as it is covered with ash)re, simply everywhere...

the Firebuilders burn our noble town! So that skill is not so usele-

Wood cutters shoot (more incomprehensible ash-covered writing) rwood missile at us

our beloved combatants come! the noobs-

And finally, the last, easiest to understand piece of parchment:

The Combatants won! a piece treaty has been reached, but the foolish young adventurers will probably break it in 3 years.

= 5th age, year 0223 =

2nd great Noob War. records have yet to be found, however, interviewing the veterans then recording the interview on papyrus may help...

= 5th age, year 0226 =

3rd great Noob War.

= 5th age, year 0229 =

4th great Noob War.

= 5th age, year 0232 =

Known widely as "The last great Noob War", it was among the bloodiest and most destructive. it started with a level 61 guy named Dawnofwar, who was wearing full mithril. a level 15 called him noob. here is the actual conversation, written below:

"You have no right to call me noob!" Dawnofwar yelled.

then a guy, Haru Axeman, level 45, walked by. "If you call people noob, then you are considered one!" he yelled.

the Noob's friends showed up, most under level 30. then some level 80 guy decided to use lunar magics to fake a PK massacre. His friends joined in.

nobody knows how, but soon it actually became a PK massacre!

noobs were killed by anyone over level 45, and many valuable items were lost. cosmic runes were stolen, high-level axes were lost, Phats were found, money was gained, along with rings of recoil and similar enchanted jewelery. the scourge of this spread across Gielinor, the bug somehow spreading to other Pkers, like a disease.

things pretty much went to Zamorak, however, when the Noob Gene was activated, letting Nubitis in, turning the noobs into zombies with the ability to make others zombies, and to use non-combat skills, like, say, cooking, as combat bonuses.

The remaining players and high-levels realized they had to band together. one, named Haru, drew them all together, and told them his grand plan.

All the remaining players hid in dungeons, guilds, and event areas, while Haru executed his grand plan, along with the noobs.

He teleported to varrock, and apparently provoked the noobs into coming to him. he stood in the exact center, and threw up a sphere. then...

BA_WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMPH!

he had thrown a sphere with 99 Noob Bombs packed in it up into the air. if you do not know what those are, type "Noob Bomb" in the search box.

Miraculously, Haru survived, due to his odd genetic makeup.

just about everyone survived, and lived to become level 35 after the war, temporarily eliminating noobs for 144 hours.

after the war, however, all the major powers of RS, including the Noob Protectors, a new Clan headed by Lord Carralpha, came to an odd agreement that Noobs needed their own kingdom, for their protection.

the high-leveled clans, however, mostly thought it was because Noobs were "Dangerously Unstable".

Point being, however, that they agreed noobs needed their own kingdom, which was a big tract of land, from Lumbridge to the borders of Draynor. it was quickly built on, a highly compact modern city rivaling Varrock. the kingdom was dubbed... Nubaria!

It was headed jointly by the Noob Protectors and Duke Horacio.

= 5th age, year 0234 =

Information on this war is still very, very sketchy, as it is usually too quieted down to really be recorded, and it is still going on.

Also, all the combatants and generals have moved on to other wars, but there is rumor of a strange, high-tech steel armor bought by noobs in an effort to look cool. But there's something weird about it, and, as level 61 Twilight Guild Taisho Haru "Axeman" Samazanba, known to his friends as Haru or Haru Axeman, revealed to his friends in Eclipse Guild, United Skiller Coalition, and Noob Protectors, there is a high concentration of Void and Time residue on it, and one has a trace of sonic energy. which can only be discharged from a sonic device, like maybe a scre-

tome is covered in something that may or may not be ink here...