Noob Empire

This article is the property of User: Haru Axeman, I'm back from my leave! And when this is done, I'm gonna go kill a Cockroach Soldier! (lvl 83)

The noob empire was a movement of the noob species, who believed that the Combat skills were inferior (in a sense yes) that was sick of being racially insulted, and treated like the stuff you scrape off your Fighting Boots. (or Haru Samazanba Axeman's Samazanbashinken Battleaxe, I still don't know how he keeps the gore off) Their cousins, the newbs, quickly ran away from the place of conception (which was obviously Lumbridge). Gathering subspecies such as choobs, froobs, gloob, droob, tube, moob, cube, zippelbongadoob, nub, nublet, nubletier, n00blet, nibbles, nubbles, niblet,nubsicle,Mcf00blet,McCh00blet,Mcn00blet and n00bcakes, they all completed their achievement diaries and had taken over Draynor and Lumbridge, leaving the forest in between for...Well, whatever noobs do.

Oddly enough, there was very little resistance. Some journeymen, including Viktor Ravencraft, who was selling specialized outfits and weaponry, (Including Haru's revolver-sized machinegun "Sonovagun!") recall more noobs than one would think possible there, and strange cabbage-like creatures. Haru, flying in FACET at the time, recalled a "Stranger" hovering on the new turret of Lumbridge Castle, throwing brightly wrapped Christmas presents at the noobs. He claims that they carried the only weapon he truly fears...

Weaponry
Arguably the most powerful and frightening weapon in Runescape, the noob cannon is Haru's worst fear coalesced into a bronze bazooka-sized tube. Of course, this depends on whatever kind of power we're talking about. The Godsword, Samazanbashinken, and numerous other battleaxes are powerful from sheer destructive power. The dagger's advantage is agility. Magick Spells are powerful from destruction and infinite possibility, a lot like this Wiki.

But the Noob Cannon's advantage lies in its ability to be customized, and its one, unchanging feature: the ability to reduce combat levels to negative status, making people level 3 or lower, for all intents and purposes making them even noobier than the noobiest natural noob. Haru has divulged these uses here, but refused to give me them all:

Noob Cannon (original): has all Lumbridge Explorer's ring powers, including the ability to alch anything, even people, or turn people into Cabbage Creatures.

Noobcake Cannon: turns people into pastries.

Cube Cannon: turns people into Pixel Creatures.

Zippelbongadoob Cannon: Transnoobulates literally anything.

And the list goes on. Add your own uses here!

Language
To make a long story short, all kinds of 1337, or leet. Its a B*****d tongue!

(note: as an amusing detail, once a certain degree of existence in Gielinor is reached, the Noob Gene disintegrates, supercharging the brain and allowing coherent speech)

Activities

 * Starting the 6 noob wars. the dates are uncertain, mostly because I haven't looked up a possible time period. All of these incursions were beaten back by Haru


 * Creating colonies that are actually conquered towns, known as Baronies. To this day, opne remains on Tutorial Island.


 * The Siege of Ardougne. Expect to see this in VIA, although its a Haruverse event. I just feel like writing it!

Currently...
The kingdom of Nubaria. It is governed by Carralpha and Duke Horacio. It encompasses all the original territory of the First Noob Empire. They have no actual army, or at least weapons worth fighting with. To find out more about Nubaria, visit The 6 great noob wars, or how Nubaria was formed.